Ah...Stretchy Pants

Good Intentions, poor follow through

2011-01-10T23:27:00.002-07:00

Everyone has good intentions I think. Well, for the most part. Some intend on smiling more, others intend of waking earlier. There are some who intend on being healthier and even more who intend on being healthier on Monday. Now that I've flogged any interested with a paragraph of malarkey, let me share MY good intentions.

Outside of the fact that I intend to be healthy, smile more, eat better, love more, etc., I am intending on writing about people. People who in one way or another, have influenced me and my life. Be it small or major. In so doing, I hope to share with all of my reader (yes, I left the s off intentionally), how you never know what kind of effect you might have on those around you. There are some days my heart is so full of thanks for people, and there are others, that I fight against my inborn pride and selfishness--trying to remind myself that the world is made up of more than just me.

Part of my motivation stems from a video clip my sister posted on Facebook about a man in India who gave up everything to help those with nothing. It moved me. From thence, I have made "intentions" to follow this question: Have I done any good in the world today? For some, that question will ring because is comes from a song.

"Have I done any good in the world today? Have I helped anyone in need? Have I cheered up the sad? Or made someone feel glad? If not, I have failed indeed."

"Has anyones burden been lighter today, because I was willing to share? Have the sick and the weary been helped on their way? When they needed my help was I there?"

These poignant words echo emotions in my mind in such a way that EVERY time I hear them or read them, I want to stand and do something. But EVERY time I want to do that, my own natural desires to sit and do nothing get in the way. I'm left to think about the chorus of that song: Then wake up! And do something more than dream of your mansion above. Doing good is a pleasure! A joy beyond measure. A blessing of duty and love.

Over the last little while I've forgotten that a little too often. I'm married to an amazing woman. A motivated, very beautiful woman. I often recognize that I got the better end of this deal. I routinely make silly mistakes, big mistakes, dumb mistakes, and foolish mistakes. I'm not very good at expressing my thoughts and emotions in explanation of said mistakes. But through it all, she has continued to love me and for that I'm grateful and indebted. Now what does this have to do with anything I've written above?? A lot. I simply wanted to say that she is a giver. She is a lover. She doesn't waste time dreaming of her mansion above. Yes life gets overwhelming and frustrating for her, just like everyone else. But she is a shining example for me. I have many, but Lana is my love.

So, in the coming while, I hope to share with you those people who have influenced my life. Some entries might be shorter or longer than others. If someone isn't mentioned--nor harm intended. If someone obscure IS, lucky them. hahahah. With that, I'll bid all a fond farewell. Until we read again.

Porter.

My New Book

2010-11-18T20:13:00.002-07:00

I wanted to post the first chapter of my new book. I'm going to refrain from any details at this point, and if you know about it, please also refrain. But I'm trying to gauge some interest in this short, simple chapter. If you like it, will you please let me know. If you hate it...be gentle. :) Thanks!

It’s the little things in life that get you. The accidental slip into a puddle—new shoes ruined. The unintended hurtful word that you let fester until you are certain that the person who said it ought to be punched in the mouth. The missed taxi, the late friend, the longer than expected work day. We’ve all had these little things bother us—get us down. I’m no different. I find a rock on the side of the street and throw it at a nearby garbage can. The sound echoes my frustration though the alleyway.

My name is Bert. I’m 16 years old. I should be in school. I should be with friends—with her. But life is different for each of us. Instead of doing what I ought to be doing, I’m sitting on the curb outside my house dreading going in.

I finished work 20 minutes ago. I’m filthy. My hair is covered in ash and soot; as are my clothes and any exposed skin. I am a chimney sweep by trade. It pays ok enough—enough to provide food for my mother and me. I sit and stare off into the distance, thinking about my father—wondering how things would be different if he were alive.

I remember what life was like. Cleaner house, more money, more food. I’m running home from school to play with my father. He’s a large man with huge hands—hands that could seemingly crush you, yet they are more often used to hold you and comfort you.

I burst through the door and yell, “Father! I’m home!” There is no response. “Mother? I’m home.” Again nothing. I go from room to room. I hear something in my parent’s bedroom. My mother is crying. The scene is unreal. I’m only 14 at the time and I can’t comprehend what I’m seeing. My father is face down on the floor, blood pooled by his body. My mother is kneeling next to him, uncontrollable. It’s only then that I notice the house—really notice it. Items are broken and strewn everywhere. I feel my heart hitting my chest. I’m going to be sick. I’m in shock and I scream, “BLOODY HELL! What HAPPENED! Mum! WHAT HAPPENED?!”

She doesn’t answer me. Instead she holds my father. Then I notice the broken window. “Did someone break into the house? What happened?!” I’m kneeling next to her, shaking her, avoiding the thought of my father. I need to know what happened.

“He’s dead.” She whispers. “Shot. An intruder. Looking for something…”

I’m brought back from my thoughts by a passerby. I decide to go inside. I face the door, and realize I’m facing another evening of hell. My mother is sick. She has never recovered from my father’s death. It haunts her and as a consequence, she has failing health. She’s nearly bed ridden, and thusly, I have to provide—in every way. But I’m 16. I feel so alone, yet I have to be strong. I can’t let my mother ruin the rest of my life. I loved my father and I miss him, but I have my life to worry about now—and my mother has hers, and ought to shake free.

I open the door. The smell sickens me. My mother is bad today. The foul odor tells me she’s had an accident.

Opting to by myself a minute or two longer, I move quietly to the washroom to clean up a bit. In front of the mirror I look at myself, pausing to search for signs of happiness. The signs are there. My life isn’t a total waste I think. “You’ll be something great!” I say to myself.

There, from those deep blue eyes staring back at me I see it—the flame that drives me. Drives me to rise past my lot. To find those responsible for my father’s death and bring justice. To be with her.

“Bert? Is that you?” My mother’s voice is raspy and weak.

“Yes mum. I’ll be right in.” I try to place a tone of compassion in my voice when I speak to her, but admittedly I’m getting frustrated and it clearly seeps through.

I gather up the needed clothes and rags to clean up her mess and her room. After the cleaning, I sit hunched in a nearby chair. My mother has drifted off to sleep again and I can hear her soft breathing—so calm and relaxed. I watch her chest rise and fall with each breath. The anger and frustrations of the day give way to my own fatigue and hunger. I take one last look at my mother and realize that I love her so dearly. I hate my lot right now, but she is my mum, and I know eventually she will snap to and things will eventually have some tone of normalcy again.

I leave her bedroom and make my way to the washroom to get cleaned up before putting together some dinner. The soap is already covered in days worth of soot and filth, but rinses clean as I hold it firmly under the faucet. I twist it round and round in my hands, careful not to drop it. “It’s like a game!” My father would say to me. “Careful now, it gets a bit slickery.” Slickery. He always made up words just to make me smile.

The soap slips from my hands and rattles around on the bottom of the basin. I lost the game. I chuckle to myself at the thought. Splashing water on my face makes me feel renewed and ready to leave behind the day’s weight. I dry my hands and face and make my way to the kitchen. I’m not really sure what I am going to make. I spy a relatively fresh loaf of bread—at least I don’t notice too much mold on it. I tear the moldy pieces off and then piece out the loaf into two dishes and pour some milk over the bread.

I eat this meal most every day it seems, but I still enjoy it and it’s filling. I devour my portion and then walk the other into my mother’s room. “Mum, I’ve some supper for you.” She moans a little and turns to face me. Her eyes find mine and she smiles. My heart warms and for a moment I see her again—beautiful and full of life. But the moment passes and I can only see how skeletal she looks. Her eyes are sunken and creased from months of inner turmoil.

“Bert, thank you so much dear.” She struggles to sit up so I set the bowl down and take her by the hands. She takes the food as I hand it to her and pretends to enjoy a couple bites. But I’m smarter than she knows. I know she can barely keep the food down, but she tries for me.

I note something different in the way she is eating tonight. Every move is deliberate, determined. She pauses and clinches her jaw in what I can only assume is anger. She sets the food in her lap and weakly lifts her head to face me and then I see it. Her eyes are aflame.

“Mum what is it?” I say.

“Bert, it is all I can do to sit up in this bed. It is all I can do to eat this food. If I had to wager, I would say I didn’t have long left to live. But I don’t wager Bert! And I want to live! And I will live!” Her breathing was heavy and very labored.

“What are you saying Mum?”

“That I’m sorry Bert. I’m so very sorry! You have borne too much burden. It has not been fair to you son.”

I certainly agree with her words, but I find myself sitting by her side, holding her and telling her it is alright. Of course I’m lying. But I can’t believe what I’m seeing and hearing.

“I’m weak son. But starting this night, I am resolute to be whole again—and shortly!” At that she falls back on the pillows, her breaths shallow and wheezing.

“Eat your food mum.”

For the first time in two years I find myself smiling at home. I have reason to hope—until I notice that my mother has stopped breathing.

Once, Twice, Three times a tubby

2010-01-19T08:41:00.002-07:00

My brother Eric has a blog that chronicles his fitness journey. It's a great read, and is generally inspirational as well. For those interested here is the link. He and I seem to share many things, one of which is our propensity to get off and on the proverbial wagon.

Nearly a year ago now, I started at what was called Competitive Fitness. I quickly dropped nearly 30 pounds, but then flatlined. Never gaining, but never losing. I puzzled at this, all the while knowing why I wasn't losing--I kept falling off the good eating wagon. RATS!

I've posted before about attitude, about giving service, about many other things that I used for self motivation. But Eric nailed it today--it's about persevering. Never quitting despite the countless road blocks and ups and downs that we will face. Just don't quit. Fall off? Get back on. Trip and skin your knee? Just get back up. Gain 15 pounds? Re-evaluate and move forward. NEVER look back, ALWAYS look forward. If we can learn anything from the bible, let it be from the story of Lot's wife--She just couldn't let go of all the "stuff" she felt like she was leaving behind (most of which was detrimental to her well being). So, in turning back, she lost her life. I hope WE can be smarter and learn from her mistake. Let's leave all of the failure, hurt, negativity, and disappointment behind us. Never look back or else you might reopen those things that will ultimately be your downfall.

I've looked back once, twice, and three times......and I'm still tubby. :) So it's time to put the blinders on and finish my race. Come along for the ride....should be fun!

Is it possible?

2009-11-14T21:26:00.002-07:00

Is it possible to love somebody that you don't really know? When I say 'really', I'm talking in terms of depth, in detail. Is it possible to love someone that you know in some ways, but not in others--someone you have shared tough experiences with, but whose favorite food, or color, or music you wouldn't have the slightest information on? To all of these questions I would say yes.

I have a friend (a few actually) who has changed my life. You've seen my past posts, and my most recent "transformation" post. I still have a ways to go to get to my goal, but in the process of achieving this goal, I came across some people that helped me see my life, and the way I view it, a little bit differently. Jason , Sally , Nick , and Ben are the trainers at Competitive Fitness--the place that I have been going to change. They are however, much more than trainers to me. I love them all dearly. I want to tell you though about Jason, and what his dreams, have done for mine.

Today was a day that if it were possible, some of us would like to give back--turn back the clock if you will. Today, Competitive Fitness closed her doors. But, even though the gym is closed, my heart will forever remain open and touched because Jason had the gumption to dream. He dreamed of more than himself. Having 9 fitness certifications was all well and good to him, but it did no good unless he could reach the masses. He managed a 24hr fitness, and even trained that good ol' Alli Vincent on her way to biggest loser victory. But he knew something wasn't right. Most people going in and out of 24hr were missing out. He wanted to be able to help more people. It's ALWAYS about others for him. A true example of Christ, and ironically, he's just getting closer to the Savior in more recent days. Anyway, to keep a long story long, he took everything he had, found a shyster of a partner, and started Competitive Fitness.

CF was to be a place of love, a place where people could work their butts off, and yell and scream for one another. A place where strangers two minutes earlier could put arms around shoulders and share a laugh at how they nearly passed out from a workout. It was to be a FAMILY. Well, I'm here to tell you that Jason's dream was accomplished. It was a family.

Time passed, and as it goes with many new businesses, he ran into some big hurdles. The partnership was dissolved, but the damage was done, and here we are today. If I could say one thing to anyone reading this (Jason included)--Jason, did not fail in this business venture. If anything, he succeeded beyond his wildest dreams. That's easy to say when I'm not the one stressed about the other parts of life that require money, I know. But beyond money (which never has been the driving force for Jason), LIVES have been changed--including mine. The Savior said: "...How great shall be your joy in the kingdom of my Father if ye shall bring save it be one soul unto me. But, how much greater shall your joy be, if ye shall bring MANY souls..." Jason saved many.

You might read this and say, "how does working out save a soul?" That is a valid question. But I'm here to tell you that the longer one travels down the lonely path of laziness and gluttony, the lonelier one becomes. With loneliness comes discouragement, and with discouragement comes apathy, and with apathy comes a hardened heart--the Lord, cannot dwell in a hard heart. Conversely, with exercise comes hope (and lots of physical pain sometimes), with hope comes faith/belief, with faith comes knowledge of the truth--the Lord IS truth.

Anyway, I'm totally rambling. But my point in the WHOLE post is to tell you that although I don't know Jason intimately, I love him. He's a brother to me. I owe him part of my life, because he so willingly shared part of his. He risked all he owned to help people like me. In turn, he is losing most of what he owns.....to help people like me. People who do that make me strive to be better in all aspects of life. My father did that--he is my hero. Jason....in many ways, so are you. Mind you all, this is not a funeral here. Jason is still alive and kicking--I just saw him this evening. But it's important to know and be reminded, that it's people like Jason that make this country run. People who risk it all to live the dream. Well, Jason, your dream didn't pan out the way you envisioned it. But friend, it's not gone. It's not over. Your dream, fueled many others--many of which, you may never see the full fruition of. You dream inspired others to dream. Your dream brought hope to hundreds, and the chain reaction of that you may never know. As a tie in to that thought--my grandparents (dad's parents) joined the LDS church when my dad was 3. That missionary who baptized my grandparents had no idea what kind of a chain reaction was started and how many more THOUSANDS of people have come unto Christ because of that single act. Upwards of 30-40 missionaries from my gpa's posterity alone have gone out to the world and baptized. And the chain goes on. Jason, your dream is the same. You have inspired, and people who move on, share your dream with others, and inspire them, and the gift goes on, and on, and on.

I posted something before about attitude. In it, I quoted Jim Valvano. It stands today as one of my favorite quotes to keep me going. So to all, I'll repeat it tonight. "Don't give up. Don't EVER give up."

Jason, I love you. Sally, Nick, Ben...the same feelings apply.

So, can you love someone without knowing everything about them? I mean really love them? The answer depends on you as a person. But as for me, I can. And I do.

Ch-ch-ch-changes....

2009-09-13T20:05:00.002-07:00

Other than having a better camera....can you see any changes in me since exactly one year ago? It's the same way that I looked when I started working out at Competitive Fitness in February of this year.

Fat? Hmm, I think so.

2009-05-19T21:55:00.002-07:00

Well, sometimes we all need a little edumacation on some basic principles. Sure, all of us know that eating too much of just about anything isn't good. And we all especially know that eating too much junk is even worse.

So, why this educational video? Because even smarty pants' need reminders why it is important to eat right and exercise.

This applies especially to me since I have gained 4 pounds since Crew was born. I had lost approximately 25 pounds. Then, I began to see myself making tiny rationalizations for my behaviors. Similar to what I had done in the past when I had worked to lose weight. It is one thing to allow yourself to have a cookie or an ice cream every ONCE IN A WHILE--and not beat yourself up about it. It is, however, an entirely different story when you begin to use the fact that you have lost "x" amount of weight to justify your junk eating choices..."I have lost 25 pounds. I'm ok. I'll just have "this" and be right back at it.

BE CAREFUL with that type of logic. It will quickly lead you back to the weight you were running from. So, allow yourself a treat once in a while, but remember the end goal...a longer, healthier, happier life. That is where I have found myself these past 10 days. I have since recognized it, have hit the workouts hard again, and have focussed my eyes on my prize. I hope the rest of you all do the same.

Keep pushing ALL! Find a new goal, a new race, a new reason to remind yourself that every day is a great day to get the heart pumping. It's WAY more worth it than being sloppy and frustrated that our food addictions are controlling us. Yay friends.

You may need to pause my awesome music before watching the show. :)

15 down

2009-04-01T08:24:00.005-07:00

It's been a while so I wanted to post a quick update.

I'm 15 pounds down. Only 30 to go. :) I actually want to lose around 10-15 this month. We'll see if I can do it. At any rate, here are some personal things that I've been able to do since I started at Competitive Fitness.

I can now do 10 unassisted pull-ups (maybe more, I'm not sure).

I can do 100 push-ups coupled with over 100 squats in 8 minutes.

I can row 5000 meters in 21 minutes. (harder than it seems)

Anyway, there are a few other things that I couldn't come close to doing only a short month and a half ago.

For anyone struggling. For anyone tired and wondering if they will ever be able to come off conquerer. Just know that there are others out there with you.

So, in The words of Jimmy Valvano--"Don't give up. Don't ever give up."

Valvano, who was dying of cancer also said this (and you can liken it to whatever you are fighting)--"Cancer can take all of my physical abilites, but it cannot touch my mind, it cannot touch my heart, and it cannot touch my soul"

One thing we all can be sure of is that whatever we are fighting, Cannot touch our minds, Cannot touch our hearts, and cannot touch our souls.

Let's keep fighting.

For anyone interested, here is a link to Jimmy V's speech. It's about 10 minutes, and very, very good.

The CURE!!

2009-03-11T08:57:00.003-07:00

I've found the cure for heartburn. Yes, I'm due to make millions.

Because the cure is a short answer, I'm really going to try and stretch this out here.

Wait for it....

Wait for it...........

Hard core..................EXERCISE!!! Yes, I know, I'll keep you all in mind when I'm cashing my big checks. But I have to say, that since I have started this current regimen of work outs, I have not had ONE bout with heartburn.

My heartburn is no where near the level of some of my family members, but I've had my fair share of uncomfortable nights. It feels so good to not have that in my life anymore.

Just thought I would share with you.

Oh, I've also lost 12 pounds in my first near month of this place I go to. LOVE IT.

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

2009-02-28T22:11:00.005-07:00

"The only disability in life is a bad attitude.”

~Scott Hamilton

“Bite off more than you can chew, then chew it.”
~Ella Williams

Often your tasks will be many,

And more than you think you can do.

Often the road will be rugged

And the hills insurmountable, too.

But always remember,

The hills ahead

Are never as steep as they seem,

And with Faith in your heart

Start upward

And climb ’til you reach your dream.

For nothing in life that is worthy

Is ever too hard to achieve

If you have the courage to try it,

And you have the faith to believe.

For faith is a force that is greater

Than knowledge or power or skill,

And many defeats turn to triumph

If you trust in God’s wisdom and will.

For faith is a mover of mountains,

There’s nothing that God cannot do,

So, start out today with faith in your heart,

And climb ’til your dream comes true!

--Author Unknown

Today, I got beat up by my workout--and I only was told to do HALF of what was called for. Here is what was called for: "Do this as fast as you can--1 mile run, 100 pull-ups, 200 push ups, 300 squats (body weight), 1 mile run."

I did half of each of those. On my final half mile run, my legs were jellied, my lungs were on fire, my arms/shoulders/etc. were hard to keep up, and my heart was pounding out of my chest. I walked 1/4 of that 1/2 mile. But as I approached the turn around spot to head back to the gym, I thought, "I could just cut this a few yards short. It wouldn't be a big deal..." Then I thought about something I read that Will Smith said about when he goes for a run, "when I go out/say I'm going to run 5 miles, I run 5 miles. Because if I listen to that voice in my head, I'll never finish it EVER..." So I thought to myself..." shut up voice in my head." Then I thought about what Seone from the biggest loser said durning a recent challenge when asked if everybody would be willing to stop the challenge where they were instead of finishing. He said, "you all do what you want, but I would feel like I would be cheating myself. I have been cutting short my whole life, that's why I'm here, that's why I'm fat. So, I'm going to finish..."

So I finished. I went all the way to every line. I did every thing that was asked of me. I had to change my attitude. We might not be in control of everything in life, but we most certainly control that. Choose to be grumpy and miserable, and that is what your life will be like. Choose to be happy in those exact circumstances, and you life will not remotely resemble that former life of misery--even amidst the same situations.

Push through defeat.

Push through change.

Push through self-pity and doubt.

It's rewarding, and besides, that is the only way to win the race.

Have I?

2009-02-18T09:11:00.003-07:00

A poor, wayfaring Man of grief
Hath often crossed me on my way,
Who sued so humbly for relief
That I could never answer nay.
I had not pow’r to ask his name,
Whereto he went, or whence he came;
Yet there was something in his eye
That won my love; I knew not why.

Stript, wounded, beaten nigh to death,
I found him by the highway side.
I roused his pulse, brought back his breath,
Revived his spirit, and supplied
Wine, oil, refreshment—he was healed.
I had myself a wound concealed,
But from that hour forgot the smart,
And peace bound up my broken heart.

In pris’n I saw him next, condemned
To meet a traitor’s doom at morn.
The tide of lying tongues I stemmed,
And honored him ’mid shame and scorn.
My friendship’s utmost zeal to try,
He asked if I for him would die.
The flesh was weak; my blood ran chill,
But my free spirit cried, “I will!”

Then in a moment to my view
The stranger started from disguise.
The tokens in his hands I knew;
The Savior stood before mine eyes.
He spake, and my poor name he named,
“Of me thou hast not been ashamed.
These deeds shall thy memorial be;
Fear not, thou didst them unto me.”

This morning, I was singing this song in the shower, and found that I couldn't sing it anymore. My heart was full. I thought, over and over about my life, and where I am, and what I'm doing. I couldn't help but think that I too have "myself, a wound concealed." I attempted to stem my emotions by singing another hymn.

"Have I done any good in the world today?

Have I helped anyone in need?

Have I cheered up the sad, or made someone feel glad?

If not, I have failed indeed."

Singing this song did not have the desired effect. I continued to think, "Have I?" I thought of the second verse to that song:

There are chances for work all around just now;

Opportunities right in our way.

Do not let them pass by, saying 'sometime, I'll try',

But GO and do something today.

So, for what it is worth, I am going to try and do something good today--to "stand up, and do something more than dream of my mansion above." I want to share with all my testimony of Jesus Christ. He is that poor wayfaring man of grief. And if he asked "if I for Him would die", my answer would be yes a thousand times over. I can't wait for the day that I can look upon him and see the tokens in His hands and feet. To kiss Him and bathe His feet with my tears of love and gratitude and with hope that I hear Him say, "of me thou hast not been ashamed".

"I have myself a wound concealed", but I know that he can bind up my broken heart. I may stumble through the rest of my existence struggling with my "wounds", but I want anyone who is listening now to know that my testimony of the Savior is real. I hope that one day, my words can mean the same as Pres. Hinckley's did when he said, "I love him. He is my friend. He is my redeemer." I too love Him, and He IS my friend. My entire body is filled with the Spirit's confirmation that Jesus lives. That He died for me willingly. He is the way, the truth, and the life. He is Jesus Christ, and He did it all for me--despite my imperfections, my sins, my stumbling blocks, etc. He loves me. I Love Him.

Have I done any good in the world today? I hope so.

Success!

2009-02-10T08:09:00.003-07:00

Today we did a lot of dumbbell clean and jerks. I'll refrain from explaining what those are to any of you who might not know (I suggest going to youtube or google and looking up clean and jerk, then imagine that with dumbbells). Anyway, we were going for a 3 rep max. When the dust settled and the smoke cleared, I had the highest weight lifted. Jason (the trainer) suspects it might last the whole day. He said, "I have some really strong, muscly guys, but you have better form than they do, so I suspect you will be able to hold out."

Needless to say, I was pumped. Especially since I have been in the middle to bottom in workout placements thus far. I'm definitely seeing improvements already and I'm only in my second week. I'm loving this. As for what weight I hefted....85lb dumbbells. The highest before that was 65lbs. One guy did 75lbs. right after me. So, there you go. That's 170lbs. in total dumbell weight...let you think otherwise. :) Mind over matter guys. Also, chiropractor over sore necks and hip flexors. Man, did I tweak my neck on my last rep!

I cannot go to school today said little....

2009-02-09T08:07:00.004-07:00

Here is a link to a video that I think says it all. I want to publish the actual video on this post, but I don't know how to put an actual youtube video on here. Anyway, just click on the link and enjoy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obdd31Q9PqA

For the last few years, I've made countless excuses for my failures--Tatum was just born and she's waking up in the night and I'm SO tired I can't keep it up...Dane was just born....My knees hurt...I'm having some allergy/asthma issues...and the list goes on. Some of these are viable excuses, but that is all they are; excuses.

On the biggest loser, one of the contestants who had to spend time at home for a little bit before coming back said something to the effect, "when I got home, I was exhausted every day. I was helping with the kids, around the house, and working. I didn't think I had time to work out, nor the energy. But somehow, I found enough time to watch 2-3 hours of t.v. a day. So, I stopped the t.v. if it was getting in the way of my health." Again, not his exact words, but the gist is the same.

I have been going to a place called competitive fitness for the last 2 weeks and have come to realize what I have been missing out on. My body is more sore than it has been in years, and I've been getting up at 5:30 to go. The crazy thing, after the first few days, I now wake up at 3am then 5am anticipating my alarm. My point is, this whole getting fit, eating right, etc. is MENTAL!!! Nearly every physical challenge we face can be made better, easier, or fixed, if we strengthen our minds. I'm doing that. I've just started. I mentioned in an earlier post that I might fall off the back of the wagon, but I will not let go of the rope this time around. I will keep pulling myself back on. So, I'm still riding the wagon and feeling great.

Let's get physical....ly fit.

2009-01-28T08:21:00.004-07:00

Today, I had my first training session with my new trainer at competitive fitness. This is the same trainer that worked with Alli from the biggest loser. He's a cool dude. I'm going to go to him for 3 months and get whooped back into shape. Today, I did my "baseline" workout to see where I'm at and where we will be going from here. Well...I'm not in very good shape is the first thing I noticed. Anyway, I'm really looking forward to the changes in my body. I've already given up sugar (well about 99%). That was easier to do than I though it would be. Next, I'm going to take Dixie's challenge to not snack on anything but fruits and veggies. My goal is to drop 35lbs. in the next three months. However, I'm more concerned with inches during this stretch.

What the mirror showed me

I woke one day and had to say, "I don't like the way I look."
My clothes don't fit, frustrations drip, and when I moved my tummy shook.
My back is tight, my two knees fight to keep me moving when I walk.
I'm snoring now, my face is round, my chin has ripples when I talk!

The time has come to get things done, I face the mirror and say:
"Be gone you slob, unsightly blobs, look out! Get out of my way!"
No more will food that's not so good be thrust inside my face.
For I will push and push and push, until I win this race!!

I know this is a silly poem, and I just whipped it together, but it sort of sums up how I feel a lot of the time. When I'm wearing scrubs and stuff, I don't REALLY notice where I am. But when I get dressed each morning for work and look in the mirror, I inevitably say, "what the?? Man, I don't know how I got to this point!" Be strong all, and keep to the grind. I know I am!

Rising up

2008-12-31T15:55:00.004-07:00

Three days in a row I have worked out and eaten well enough. I have lost 2 pounds. I've lost around 6 pounds in the last 2.5 weeks. So, I'm really geared up to drop the weight needed to do better on my next triathlon.

There's a saying that I'm sure everyone knows, and will some day become (if not soon) a cliche. But, I think it's apropos for the human situation. "It doesn't matter how many times you fall, but rather, how many times you get back up." And that is the case here with me and any and everyone else like me.

I have to say that my blog will be an up and down thing, because I like to joke around. But until I reach my goals, there will be set backs. So, I make light of them. Despite that, I do take them seriously.

The new year is tomorrow and my goals have not changed. I might like to add to them, but I believe in the domino affect--achieve one, and many more will follow because of it. So, my goal to prepare physically for my next tri will lead to my goals of better disciplined eating and more productivity. So, I'm still hear, I'm still focused, and I am looking forward to success this year.

Risin

2008-12-31T15:55:00.001-07:00

Hey Blog, It's Me...

2008-12-18T07:35:00.002-07:00

Hey blog, it's me Margaret...er...Porter. I know its been a while, but I just wanted to let you know that I am still here, and I have not forgotten about you. But blog, I have forgotten some things. I'm sort of ashamed to admit them to you, but I know you can help me, Blog. Blog, I've forgotten how to eat and exercise. No Blog, I'm not not eating, on the contrary; I'm eating the wrong stuff--again. That's why I'm coming to you, Blog. Can you help me? Ever since I finished that triathlon, I have given myself a pass to do whatever. I haven't worked out, and I'm eating pretty much anything. So, to show I'm ready to come back to you, I did some push-ups and sit-ups this morning. I know it's not much Blog, but it is a start. I promise I'll come back to you if you will help me. Thanks Blog. I know I can always count on you.

Marg...er...Porter.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Don't worry though, I won't be this sloppy forever. Mostly because I have these really cool, inspiring songs from you. Thanks.

P.S. Some other things I ashamedly have forgotten how to do recently: Bathe, shave, dress properly for any occasion, use ladders, eat carrots, communicate with adults, not wander around in my underwear--and the list continues.

Do you have the eye?

2008-11-30T22:33:00.005-07:00

This is just a note before bed and a question for all of you out there. Do you have the eye of the tiger? Clubber Lang had it. Rocky got it back. Take a second to listen to that song on my page and then ask yourself, "do I have the eye of the tiger?" What the H. E. double hockey sticks is the Eye of the tiger (other than a GREAT song)? The eye of the tiger is the power to overcome ANY mental wall we might be fighting. I can tangibly feel something inside me that is different. I did something I didn't think I could. Now I know I can, so now I am going to do something else I haven't thought I could do, that is drop weight. You ALL can do whatever you want. I know that now. Get that "eye of the tiger", look your foe in the face, and claw the hell out of his/her eyes, then move on to the next obstacle and do the same. GO TEAM!!

Will Smith said, "when I hear that inner voice telling me to stop or I can't, I ignore it..." (not an exact quote) Ignore that negative voice.

Triathlon number one...done

2008-11-30T07:55:00.004-07:00

On Thanksgiving morn, Dixie, Eric and I headed out to the Goodyear YMCA for our sprint triathlon. I woke up at 3:45 a.m., and then again at 4 because I was ready to roll. What can I say, I'm a pro. Anyway, we all left my parents house around 5:15 or so. I won't bore you with all the details. Pictured above is Eric and I before beginning the race. These shots below are me just finishing the run portion and getting ready for the bike. I had to give Lana a "money shot" of me chuggin' down the liquid refreshment...

One thing in my favor was that they shortened the run from 2 miles to 1.5 because the rain had ruined part of the "track". Eric and I started 15 min. before Dixie. He finished the run a couple minutes or so ahead of me. Then I took off on the bike. It was a three "lap" ride. Each lap was 4 miles. After the first lap, my mind started fighting me, "Just go slower. No one is expecting anything less. In fact, act like you're going to barf or something. No biggie. Take as long as you need..." It was at that point, I had a breakthrough mentally, and realized that I can do what I put my mind to. I kept saying, "Just one more, just one more, just one more." Pretty soon, there was no more to do. (Here I am doing a little backstroke to get some relief!! And the other shot is one Lana took of me from the final lane--finishing strong!)

Eric beat me, and although Dixie didn't pass me, she beat me too. But I felt great about what I had just accomplished. I realized that with better eating habits (number one), and harder, more dedicated training, I could do MUCH better. So, that's what I'm doing. I'd go so far as to say, I think I could beat Dixie. But, I won't say that until I actually feel that way. I don't feel that way now for sure. Well, except for a 100 yd dash--I can still win that one. hehehe.

A great experience! Everyone should start training to do one of these things. Lana and the kids came too. That felt extra special when I saw how proud of me she was. How rewarding.

Crossing the finish lane...and the aftermath...:) "Please don't puke, please don't puke...." However, my brother was behind me ralphing all over--his wife got a picture of that. :)

Here is Eric (talking with our dad on the cell), Dixie and me after recovering for a second. We were all feeling pretty good after it all. Well, I think Dixie never really needed much recovery, but who cares?!

Here's a picture of the family getting ready to head back home. Lana and the kids drove out with her brother Dallin to watch and take pics. Dane was pretty exhausted and slept the entire hour drive back home. I was too pumped to think about sleeping!

Hmm...That was different

2008-11-18T21:39:00.002-07:00

I have been training on a treadmill for the running portion of the triathlon. Now, I'm not so naive that I thought there wouldn't be that much of a difference between the treadmill and the real road. But, the last two days have been a real eye opener. In fact, they have caused me a great deal of discouragement. After my "run" this morning, I came home defeated, downtrodden, and all around upset. I felt like I wanted to call it off and skip the race. I couldn't go a 1/2 mile without stopping and felt like my legs wanted to give out. It was a bad feeling. Then, as the day wore on, I decided that I didn't care how I did at the triathlon--that the most important thing for me at this point is to simply finish the race. My time doesn't matter to me. That thought made me feel better. I'm more determined to simply "get better". So, with that said, I have the "Eye of the tiger" all anew. My eating the last two days--for the first time since I started--was OUTSTANDING! I think that has been more encouraging than anything. I'm ready to take it head on.

Over the last couple days, I have realized something. I have learned another life lesson about myself. Each of us are sent to this earth to learn anything and everything we can about the world around us, God, and ourselves. We are given the right to choose. To make choices that will make us and God ultimately happy, or to make choices that might give us temporary happiness but in the long run will make us and God miserable. Each of us has been given some type of trial we, and only we will have to face, fight, and eventually either succumb to or overcome. I will not speak for anyone but me in this. But I have been given my own personal challenges to fight. But the lesson I learned this week, is where all of my personal trials stem from. Whether it be a trial of faith, or a trial of eating, or a trial of organization, or any other daemon I have been faced with. This week I found the source. I have talked about it forever, but my heart finally realized the battle that will be mine to overcome in this life. And it's not eating, organization, addictions (sorry Costa Vida), or anything that we see in the world. Any of those personal struggles are only manifestations of my trial of the flesh that God has given me to fight. I learned that my trial is pride. I felt it so clearly and powerfully that I now know what God wants me to focus all of my energy on fighting. I am not a bad person by nature. I don't judge people (most of the time, wink wink). But for years, I have rationalized my prideful nature by comparing my strong points in pride to other's weaknesses. "I'm not so focused on possessions like 'Bill'" or "I don't rip on 'Joe' for being Peter Priesthood" or whatever. Instead though, I would ignore peoples needs, "I just don't have time" or whatever my rationalizations might be. It was so clear to me that these selfish feelings are what lead me to have any number of other trial manifestations. I know this is total rambling, but I think this is true of everyone.

In the human society, a lot of what we see people do isn't really a representation of their real problem. Someone who is addicted to drugs or eating for example, really has another underlying problem that they haven't put their fingers on yet. Maybe they feel like their personal needs aren't being met so their true problem is feelings of self-worth, so they manifest their hurt by eating or drinking or whatever. Maybe someone feels like they will never be successful so they steal. Is stealing their problem? Nope. It certainly is a problem. But poeple will stop that problem when they find that inner need that isn't being met or addressed. Whatever it is, usually the problem we see, is not the real problem. That was the long way of me saying that this week, I finally pinpointed my real problem. A problem that I see in myself much more than anyone else might. So, when I feel like quitting, or I feel like giving up on my workouts, or I feel like eating that cookie, I now can step back and say, "Don't let your pride get in the way of your success." Every reason I have to sabotage my success is completely selfish. I'm only thinking about how to avoid being uncomfortable--who cares how this might affect anyone else. Well, those days are over. Will I be perfect--not a chance. But now I know what I'm fighting. SO SORRY I went off on that thought. But hey, it's my blog. :)

I know I can win in my struggles. I might get discouraged at my progress, but I am on my way to being fit and to being the kind of person I know that God can be happy with.

On your marks. Get Set...PUKE!

2008-11-09T20:53:00.003-07:00

Yesterday, I was just coming off having some type of periodic, oral herpes. Day number four. Usually, it lasts much longer than four days, but to the delight of my gum tissue and my throat, I have come close family and friends who gave me this new fangled drug called Valtrex. I took it and voy oh lay, all better. So, it was with this increasing health that I went to pick up my daughter Tatum from my sister Dixie's house.

I'll leave out the rest of the boring details of the day and get down the the "brass tacks" of the story. Whilst chatting at Dixie's, the subject of shoe purchases when we were younger came up. She joked about (and very accurately I must add) how I used to have my mom buy me shoes based on the traction design on the bottom of the shoe. Why? Because they made me faster, that's why! So we laughed about how much faster the shoes actually didn't make me, but how I beat her most of the time. I bucked a little at that (thinking in my mind that I NEVER lost a race across my front yard to her). Anyway, we started joking about who might be able to win a race now. Long story short...we ended up at the nearest jr. high school in total non racing attire. I called my dad because I knew he didn't want to miss this. He says, "Man, I'm not sure who to put my money on." Again, the hurty stab in my heart.

Let me say this: Dixie, at this point in time in our lives, can beat me in probably every physical activity that goes longer than 25 yards. I mean beat me bad. With one exception--this 100 yd. dash. I was not about to let this happen.

So, we lined up and then....We were off! For and accurate description and pictures, go to her blog at www.thedaytondixonline.blogspot.com. But, I want to let you all know what was going through my mind.

As we took off, my first thought was, "hey, what's wrong with my legs? They aren't keeping up with my arms." Then, I noticed that I was pulling ahead. So, around the 50 yard mark I says, "Self, start high striding it and kick it into 4th gear." Self said, "No way. Self is trying to keep you upright." "OK, says I. What do I need to do?" Self says,"Tilt that big fat head of yours back. Further. Further!!" So I followed orders. Dixie wasn't gaining, but I sure as heck wasn't pulling away. My back was perfectly arched, and I felt like I was staring at the sky. But, I prevailed. Of course I did. I put my hands on my knees and smiled, "I did it. I kew I could." Then Dixie says, "Shane missed the picture. Let's do it again...well a 50 yd dash." "No way!" I said. But then I thought, "hey, I already won the bet, what's 50 more yards."

We lined up at the 50 yard line, and were off, and again, I was ahead. Less this time. Then I felt the shift. The legs clocked out early. My weight started moving forward. More forward, more forward. My back arched and arched until finally I had to shut it down. She coasted past with 15 yards to go and that was that. But, once in my car, I felt the damage. My body was P. Oed. I was shaking, and nearly lost my lunch the whole ride home, and some time after. Anyway, I sent Dixie a text you can read on her post. A learing experience for me for sure. So, I have a LOT to do before the triathlon and LITTLE time to do it. But, I'm planning on enjoying it as much as possible...not winning it. The next one I might try to beat Dixie. I'll have more prep time.

Thanks for reading this rediculously long and silly post. Bye.

It's official

2008-10-29T22:40:00.001-07:00

To the delight of many, at least one, I am officially enrolled to die on Thanksgiving morning. I can't wait.

2 a days are in full swing

2008-10-29T22:13:00.002-07:00

Well...with only a short while left before I whip the shirt off and intimidate everyone at the triathlon with my unfair floaty advantage (located just above each hip), I thought it best to hit the gym twice a day--once in the morn and once in the eve. This morning I wanted to run as long as I could without stopping. There really isn't any need to embarrass myself any more than necessary at this point in the game. But let all be satisfied that it was more than a mile...BARELY. Hooray! thought I. I'm still no closer to running two miles than before. Oh well.

This evening, I hit the pool. I thought I should try the 400 straight away. So, I dove in (against the rules...oops) and swam without stopping. Snap. I'm pulling a lot of stuff here. I was DEAD. So, after a brief rest I did a fifty sprint, almost yacked, then did butterfly nearly the length of the pool, almost yacked, then eased my way to a couple more laps and called it quits. I'll swim again tomorrow and run too. I'm very positive that by the time of the race I will have ZERO prob. with the swim. I'm still leery about the run, but we'll see.

As for the eating. Today I was aces. Straight up awesom. Until dinner. But even then I ate great. If I eat like this every day, I will be sveldt and saxy. I won't go as far as saying I'll be a "wild and crazy guy" but I'll keep that in my back pocket because you want to be prepared in case you are. So, things are going well. We'll keep our digits crossed that I keep it up.

Hi there it's me

2008-10-25T14:50:00.002-07:00

There have been those who have questioned where I have been, or whether or not I'm going to follow through on my triathlon dealio. They want to know if I have thrown in the towel with my work outs. Well, the answer to all of those is: I've been here, yes I'm following through with the dealio, no I have not thrown in the towel. I have experienced frustration. Mostly because I've not lost a pound. I've been eating badly I guess. I'm having to literally write down everything I'm eating every day just to make sure that I keep it under check. I never realized how "that little bite here or there, or just one more of this or that" can REALLY screw you up. It is one thing to have a day or two, or even three where you step back, and eat not as well. But when you think you are eating "better", only to realize that although you have been eating your three square meals better, you have actually been sabatoging said efforts by having a "mini" chocolate bar here, and a "small" brownie there. I have come to grips that I'm a long way off from eating right. My mental discipline is needing some tweeking. So, that is where I am. I don't post pictures on here because I'm lazy and don't want to take the two seconds it takes to learn how and do it. So, one step at a time here folk. Yes, folk. First eat better while working out, then picture time. So, if you want picture time, look up Bill Cosby's picture time on youtube or somthing. Later.
P

I think bombs would work

2008-10-14T21:11:00.003-07:00

You know what? I am going to fess up to an addiction problem I have. I'm a little ashamed, and a lot frustrated. Insanity is taking charge here. When I wake each morning, I feel the urge to dive right in, to bath myself in my addiction. This addiction is keeping me from my goals, my drive, and is altogether hindering my success. I smell it, crave it, and am constantly lured by its subtle beckoning. It's time to get out a bomb and get rid of it.

Costa Vida must be destroyed. I want to take a bath in the tamatillo ranch dressing--splashing it on my face while washing my back with fistfuls of sweet pork. I shampoo my hair with finely aged and greatly processed queso dip--using the chips like pummus on my calloused feet. I dream of quenching my thirst with horchata and medium burrito sauce laced with queso and pico cubes. I'm a hopeless addict. I have to give it up though. I have to walk away, and I will. I have a triathlon to train for. Pray for me, one and all. I will need it. I am kicking the habbit, and the habbit is NOT happy about it.
P.

Try this on

2008-10-13T16:49:00.002-07:00

So, I hit the gym this morning and thought I would see how long I could run before I threw up. The reason being, Eric and Dixie forcefully made me join this triathlon (mini one) coming up Thanksgiving morning. So, I made it a mile before I stopped and walked at a 10 incline for the rest of the 20 minutes. I was pooped. I then ate like crap at lunch. My BANE...lunch. I am determined to eat well the rest of the day. It felt good to hit the gym in the morning. Much better than hitting the gym after work.

I plan on swimming tomorrow, but the bulk of my training this week and a half will be running. My running muscles and endurance are FAR from where they will need to be--even if the triathlon run is only 2 miles. I know, I know, "two miles?" Should be easy. Well, for me it isn't so GET OFF!! :) See you at the gym y'all.

Help

2008-10-09T20:31:00.001-07:00

HELP.

climbing steps?...

2008-10-06T21:49:00.002-07:00

I have found my new tormentor...the rotating steps. WOW. I hopped on those bad boys today and thought, "I'll pound out 30 min. on here and be ready to roll." Uh...I'd like to say it happened just like that. But in the words of George Washington, "I cannot tell a lie", it did not happen that way. I was able to go for 20 minutes, but my buns and legs started cussing at me to stop. I LOVE those stairs! I'm going to jump on them again on Wed. Anyway, it felt good to sweat so much and feel the burn so much. I ate ok today--not great, but ok. This week is going to be AWESOME.

Back from my vacation

2008-10-05T19:25:00.002-07:00

So I was gone all last week visiting a heavy friend of mine--ME!! I didn't totally dive off the wagon, but I more or less hung off the back, hanging on to a rope, being dragged all around the dusty streets of Tombstone pizza. But, I managed to pull myself back onto the wagon train and right the ship. Truthfully, the only thing I really lapsed on was the workouts. I only managed to get to the gym two times this last week. Oh, I also lapsed on keeping all of you posted about that. At any rate, I'm hitting the gym tomorrow morning and I'm eating like a champ as well. I have a goal to push myself and drop 5 pounds this week.

We had general conference these past two days and as expected, my batteries are recharged. For whatever reason, I thought this would be a little easier once I started posting what I was doing. But, alas, it is still difficult. But it is a little easier. Thanks to all of you who are sticking with me, and giving any support you can. I know I like to make a joke of my situation; but that is more to deflect my own fears and frustrations. It is your support and comments that help remind me to continue trying. I WILL do this, but a little nudge from friends and loved ones never hurts. Thanks,
P.

Cause and Effect

2008-09-30T20:51:00.002-07:00

Many of you know the cause and effect game. A storm causes flooding, which leads to mud slides, etc. I study for a math test, which leads to a good grade. I get diarrhea which leads to no workout on Tues! I feel like a truck ran over me, which leads to no workout on Monday. I don't work out for two days in a row, don't post for two days, which leads to 1.5 pound weight loss in that time period. Fascinating! So, there you have it. I have been under the weather. Tonight was actually a big SURPRISE! I was all decked out, heading for the door when my dinner wanted to make an exit before I did. My gym closes at nine, so I ran out of time. Plus, my dinner apparently had friends. Anyway, I'm still not deterred. I feel good about my goals, and I'm on it to win. I have felt very, very tired lately, and I can't figure it out. But that won't stop me either. Yay team!

The unknown truths about "The Host"

2008-09-27T07:20:00.002-07:00

Today's post, is in part, two parts. hahaha. I'm killing myself. Anyway folks, first my exercise/diet update. Yesterday was great. Really good. I felt like I was a swollen balloon, but I ate really well, so I'm sure I'll get blessing points because of that. Lana and I went to Texas Roadhouse for dinner and I got grilled chicken,s a yam, and a salad. The only thing I finished or even came close to finishing was the salad. I just didn't feel the need to push it. That said, I do have a little discouragement because I'm not seeing ANY weight change. I've lost like 4 pounds, and hit a wall already. I'm sure I need to be a little more diligent with the eating, but I am better than I used to be and I'm not seeing the weight come off, so I started to feel like, "if it isn't going to change, then why should I change the way I eat". I got over that thought. Anyway, I'm still going strong.

Now, on to the meat of my thoughts. On my itunes, I have like 30 audio books. One of the said books is "The Host" by Stephanie Meyer. I do a lot of driving for work, so audio books are great to have in the car. Anyway, I was listening to the book and I had a thought, "Miss Meyer is leaving out 'the rest of the story'". I'm hear to fill it in.

For those who don't know (and this in no way will be a spoiler), the host is about a race of beings (souls) that come and over take humanity and take their bodies to live in. Like a tapeworm accept with more control. At any rate, I'm listening to this discription of how marvelous it feels for these 'souls' to begin life in their new hosts.

"She felt things she never had before, emotions she never knew possible. She could smell, taste, feel, in a way never imaginable before. It was exillerating. She breathed in, tasting the air around her--licking life with every breath."

That was not an exact quote, but I wanted to give you an idea of what we're working with here. As I was listening to this, I began having some pretty painful stomach gurgling.

"Hmm", though I. I don't think Stephanie is being fully truthful to these aliens. Because I'm thinking that if they knew the whole truth about the human physical experience they might reconsider what they were getting into. I see the real scene playing out someting more like this:

"She couldn't believe the rush of sensations. Her eyes drank in the surroundings as she carressed the ground like she'd never done before. Her mind raced with thoughts and emotion heretofor believed impossible. She stood up and began walking...gurgle. Oh great merciful heavens. This indeed is something she hadn't felt before. Clutching her lower abdomen, the alien tried to focus, but lost all train of thought because her stomach was in massive cramps. It passed. "Strange" she thought. She took a long deep breath, the air's fingers tickled her nose with pleasure...gurgle, cramp, gurgle. "What the...!" gurgle... "Oh! I have a sensation I do NOT like!" She heard someone laughing. She shot a glance over her shoulder to where she saw no one. She realized the laughter was coming from inside her head--it was the human she had taken over. "She was supposed be gone".

"Well I'm not." The human was laughing uncontrollably. "How do you like the body now life sucker?" I knew you were coming to get me so I ate five bran muffins, a plate of cheese fries, a bowl of chili beans, and three tabs of exlax. I figure if you are going to take my body, you need to know what is in store. I will say, for the first time in my life, I'm going to enjoy this bout of diarreah. "

The alien fell to the ground, writhing in pain. All of the pleasure and joy she had so recently felt, poured out of her backside. Wave after wave of burning, unhindered by attempts to stop it, came rushing out, making anything around her flee for safety. Explosions of toxic fumes erupted from the same area, rendering her senseless. There was no escaping this hell unless she herself wanted to face death from her peers. Yes, yes, she would rather face death than live in a body where this might EVER happen again. Screw the pleasantries, this sucked....

So, that is my take on how "The Host" fell short. More like a behind the scenes look (no pun intended).

Doth my handles deceive me?

2008-09-25T23:19:00.002-07:00

So, I woke up this morning and noticed that I felt a little trimmer. I opted not to step on the scale--ok, I mostly forgot to get up on it. Anyway, I felt great. That is where the great stopped. I felt good physically, but my work day was uninspired and I had my c game if that.

After work, I went straight to the gym and killed it. I did cardio and had a REALLY good workout. so far so good. I'm tired, and don't have anything else to write. Speaking of that, one of my written goals is to keep working on my book. I have not done that. Shame on me.

Another day another workout

2008-09-24T23:51:00.002-07:00

I'm committed to this workout thing. I went again this morning, and frankly I didn't want to go. I was tired, but I realized I wasn't going to be able to go after work, so I went. I did shoulders, chest, and back, with some ab work thrown in. I came home and was really shaking which I liked. My breakfast was just dandy, but guess what? I ate poop for lunch again. I had planned on eating something completely different than what I had brought for the office I was feeding. But, my willpower checked out at 11:30 instead of 12:30 (always looking to save a buck). But, I didn't pig out like normal. I ate a smaller portion which helped. About 40 min. after lunch though, I couldn't keep my eyes open (that's what happens when your body has to digest crap). So, I thought I should get something to pep me up (actually the idea of a coworker). So, while I was filling up my car, I went inside and got a Mt. Dew (which I haven't purchased for nearly 10 years) and a maple covered donut. yeah, nice. I ate the donut and drank 8 oz. of the Mt. Dew (I dumped the rest out), then I promptly felt worse. Let's just say I learned a valuable lesson--donuts taste really great, but they don't provide the boost they promise to. Despite that, I feel like my body is doing better. When I fully commit to eating better, I know my results will get much better. Until then, I'm nickling and diming my way down. Go team!

1+1=2

2008-09-23T20:32:00.002-07:00

I've always been good at math Jody Shumway. Many of you will have no idea what the deuce I just did there in that last sentence, but never you mind.

As far as my workouts are concerned, I've been aces. I did indeed go in the morning on Monday which proved to be just the right thing. Today I went right after work again and did a leg workout (a light one mind you. I haven't done a serious leg workout for ages and after today's performance, it is no surprise why--yikes). The diet still needs work, but I'm ever conscious and am making strides. So, essentially, it was the lunch that did me in again today, but I'm not deterred, but rather fired up to do better. I have a LONG way to go here folks, so a couple bad lunches will not do me in! Because I have such a long way to go, I will post my before pictures a little later. Actually I need to take my week and then a little pictures to go with my before--which, if I may be so bold is utterly and distinguishably FOUL. Even I threw up a little in my mouth when I saw them. Gross times two. I kind of played one of those redstripe beer commercials in my head when I looked at them..."are you fat?" "uh...well, I guess..." "you are VERY fat! HOORAY BEER!" So there you have it; tubby is still at it, and long live Red Stripe Beer.

Sedona

2008-09-21T18:23:00.003-07:00

Well, Saturday was a fine fine day. I didn't hit the gym, but I did hit the red rocks of Sedona. This was the first time in my life that I had ever been to that place. I'll be going back. The drive up there was horrid (see Eric's post for the details www.myphysicalodessy.blogspot.org). Once there, we had a wonderful time. It turns out that Sedona was having the "apple festival" that we didn't know was happening this weekend. That would explain the very sucky traffic around town--a town, mind you, that was not set up to have that much traffic in it. Anyway, I didn't hit the gym as I said, but I ate pretty well--thanks to Eric's good example, I skipped an ice cream cone from DQ. It wasn't too tough to do, but I did have a lick or two from Lana's cone. I've resolved that in order to have total success, I will have to hit the gym in the mornings. That usually works best and I thusly avoid any unexpected events that might get in the way in the evenings. I'm loving the posting deal. Even if I'm the only one (other than Lana, Eric, and Drex) whose reading them. I'm reminded of what I'm going for after reading Eric's posts. So go team! I REALLY look forward to my workout tomorrow.

grrrrrrr

2008-09-19T19:32:00.003-07:00

Right now I'm sort of grumpy. That isn't entirely how my day went though. I actually had a pretty good day. I got business from two accounts I've been wanting to have for a little while now. But I suppose I am a little disappointed with myself in regards to my eating this week. Mostly, it is the lunch time thing. I think I remember that two seasons ago on the biggest loser, the winner was a drug rep who had to do lunches all the time. Well, that is a difficult thing to do and not to participate in a lot of the crap that we feed them. At any rate, my stomach is sore from the ab work, my biceps feel like the are in constant knots, and I love it all. But because my diet has only been moderately good to almost poor at times, I feel like I have not benefited from the workouts as I should. Eric has lost about 5 lbs during his first week. A feat I'm not sure I can claim. Now, that said, I am still confident and motivated. I don't feel like quitting. To the contrary. I think the next step in my total health transformation will be to get to bed much earlier so that I can work out in the mornings. That will most likely provide the best track for success. As it is, I have little to no energy to go in the mornings. I'm ready to feel like my body is responding to the workouts (other than the soreness). I know that will come. When I did the body for life workout/diet, it wasn't until week 4 that I saw a noticeable difference. So, I must bide my time and keep to the grind stone. Thank goodness for cliches in a time like this. I think I will "work my butt off" with "blood sweat and tears" until I "see the light at the end of the tunnel" and can "smell success". Because although today has been hard, "time heals all wounds". Well, I can't think of any more right now because my mind is cluttery and absent. I'm going to sleep.

Who put that there?

2008-09-18T00:44:00.002-07:00

Let's just say today was both a failure and a victory. Part of my job description is to provide lunches for doctors offices. You can safely assume, that not all of those lunches meet the "eating right" category. Today was no exception. What I will do in most cases is just eat less of whatever, thus keeping a lower caloric intake. Today I didn't follow that because someone forgot to give me a heads up that lunch was Costa Vida. Holy moley, do I love that place. Anyway, I ate a great breakfast and dinner, but my lunch killed me. So that was the failure. The plus was that I made sure to hit the gym. I made it just before closing and was the last one there. I felt great that I wasn't going to let anything stop me from my workout. I was a sweating fool by the time I was done, and I felt like I gave my body the workout it needed. So, I'll call today a wash. Tomorrow is going to be awesome. I find that I can't go to bed or do much of anything in regards to health without thinking about my commitment to write down my progress. I'm happy about that.

Day two--better than day one

2008-09-16T18:46:00.002-07:00

Today was better than yesterday for more than one reason. The major reason was the fact that I ditched my pc for an imac. WAY COOL. My p.c. was on its way out anyway. Now at least I can deliver on those spine tingling pictures you all have been waiting for.

I ate relatively well today. The strangest thing about starting this journey, is I came out of a three month apathetic fog about 3 days ago. Perfect timing. The amazing thing about seeing clearly is that good health and good eating seems to be more desirable. I didn't crave the same old crap today, thus saving me from having to defend my poor choices. I ate well, and I met with my once a month trainer today and he kicked my butt for being a lazy bum. I came right home, drank a protein shake and polished that off with minestrone. Really satisfying and good tasting. I'm fired up about this. Thanks Eric for the inspiration. For all interested, Eric is the one who got me fired up about this deal. His journey can be seen on www.myphysicalodessy.blogspot.com. Check it out.

I mentioned in one of my former posts that as many times as I fall off the wagon, I'll get back on. Well, I meant it. I'm back on, and buckled in. For anyone else wondering if they can do it, you can. Hop on, I've got space. Two days down, a lot more days to go. Nice.

Day one

2008-09-16T07:07:00.002-07:00

I should have written this last night, but alas our computer is on the fritz. It is looking like we will be replacing it soon. Ugh.

Day one: I woke early to the new puppy yelping and my kids trying to get to it. That poor dog--if he survives he'll be the stronger for it. Anyway, I ended up not working out in the morning. I had a small portion of honey nut shreded wheat. I had a Krazy Sub (veggie) at lunch, but prob. had too much there. I went for the 12 incher because I was pretty darn hungry. for dinner we had taco salad. Being that it was Monday, we went out to get some frozen yogurt for family night, and I had a 2.5 point (weight watchers scale) froyo. All in all, the snacking was not there yesterday, and I didn't cheat with "just a little" here and there. I ended up going to the gym around 5 pm and realized that my body isn't in shape. I don't know if I suspected that it was, but amid any halucinations I may have had, it has since been confirmed that I indeed need to continue to work out. So, it was an inauspicious start, but a start nonetheless. I can't post pictures yet (hail computer probs.). I will get you those sweaty, shirtless photos asap. I know how badly you all want to see them.

Talk to you later tonight,

Porter.

Funny thing, time.

2008-09-14T21:19:00.002-07:00

Time is indeed a funny thing. The mistress of our complacency. One minute we're writing about jumping back on the wagon and only a short year later we are breaching the same topic--just to remind us that our minds are still "heavy" with it.

So...Here I go again (isn't that some really awesome rock song lyric...yes, yes it is. Five dollars to the first person to name the band. I digress.). My brother Eric, being the ever thinker that he is, thought up the idea that he would blog his weight loss journey. Not just weight loss, but rather his journey to total health and wellness. Has this been done before? Most assuredly. But that isn't the point. The point is, that the reason it has been done before, and the reason he is doing it (and thusly why I am joining the foray), is because oftentimes, it takes public humiliation (and support, ehem) to get things accomplished. Really it only works on people who have enough pride to not stay humiliated. Ultra competitors. That is Eric and me. We like the heat of the battle. We love to compete. So, here we go again? Yes. But this time with pictures!

I will be chronicling my journey from big, fat, loser with body odor, to svelte, nicely tanned hotty. So, please join me in my journey. I'm going to post pictures at minimum once weekly--ladies hold your breath--topless. Yes, you will get to watch me shrink and tone. I'm getting super excited just thinking about it. I can't imagine the mental pictures some of you have. Remember, I'm married already.

In all seriousness though, I would love any support and pep ups any would like to share. I have two supporters at current, so any more would be greatly appreciated. My last yearly post about the wagon jumpers is really true. I will be bucking the trend--so to speak. Like Eric's blog, here are my goals:

--Post daily my eating habbits and work out habbits.
--Write a minimum of 1 new page to my book that I've already started (another story altogether).
--10% body fat.
--Swim competitively and have times that are nationally competitve. (laugh away y'all suckas)
--Dunk a basketball (longer term goal)
--Finish my book and have it published or in the process of being published by summer 2009

Step one is lose the weight, step two is train for these events. It will happen.

Well, here we go. Let's all hold hands and make our dreams come true...as we do it our way, yes our way... Seriously, let's do it. Come with. Anyone who wants to join, has my support. Much love y'all,
Porter.

off the wagon

2007-10-26T20:56:00.000-07:00

Why is it that we as humans (especially American humans) in general seem unable to "stay on the wagon"? Whether it is with dieting, drinking, smoking, drugs, porn, etc. We get all riled up, and for a good day or two, or even 4-5, we are feet to the floor serious about winning the battle against....whatever it is. I fit into this category. I got myself registered for weight watchers online. It is a great program. I followed it pretty well for about 3-4 weeks, and I lost about 10 pounds. Then, for whatever reason, I fell off the wagon. More like I jumped off. I simply seem to loose interest in filling out the info. online, which leads me to not being careful enough in my food selection, which leads to more/bad food, which leads to growth in the "handles" area. All of this sucks. Then the rationale becomes, "well, if i just get this, or start with this program/video/diet I will be able to actually do it this time."

One positive though--I'm an excellent recommitter. As often as I jump off, I jump back on...only, my vim and vigor for the challenge of overcoming seems to diminish with each successive attempt and failure. That said, I'm much less happy being tubby, so I'll recommit as often as I need to.

I just thought it curious, we humans. I'm sure there has to be some simple reason why this happens. I'll look it up. In the mean time, I'm going to hit the gym on Monday and promptly wash that down with a bacon cheeseburger and broccoli (to make me feel better). That actually is a funny thing to. We will eat like crap, yet we feel that if we chase our grease and fat sandwich with some healthy foods, it all seems to offset. Oh how I wish that were the case. I'd start my meal with a nice pasta with some sort of naughty sauce on it, followed by a loaf of bread from the Macaroni Grill, then I'd slide in some sort of malt or cheesecake--all of which I would close out with a wheat grass shot and a giant celery stock. Man would I be losing weight from all that healthy, offsetting food. Wow are we stupid.

Public or private/Church dance hilarity.

2007-10-17T20:40:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking lately about whether or not I want to make this thing private or should I keep it public. The only reason to make it private is so I could write my deepest darkest secrets on here. The one added bonus I have is that no one really even knows I have this thing anyway so it is basically private as is. Also, I need practice writing things people would like to read anyway. So, I suppose I'll keep it public for now and just write for myself.

I made a comment in church on Sunday about how I felt like a 14-15 year old girl waiting to get asked to dance at a church dance because I was so nervous about standing up and sharing my testimony. When I got home that night I thought about that a little more. I pictured all of the dances I went to as a young man. There were always those girls (and guys for that matter) who you could see freckled around the gym that were watching every dude whom they wanted to get asked to dance by. Note: At that age, getting asked to dance only meant a slow, swaying back and forth kind of thing, and the thought of doing anything more was absolutely petrifying. So, you could see these girls hoping to catch eye contact. Then when a boy began the approach, like 6 or 7 different girls would get all giggly and a little pee would come out because of nerves. A true spectacle I tell you.

It wasn't much better for the boy though. You see the same kind of stuff amongst the men folk. Here's how that went down though. "Hey, are you going to ask Mary to dance?" "I want to but I'm waiting until the next slow song." "Oh. Yeah, me too" So the next dance comes and the dudes ask the ladies they have a crush on to dance and hilarity ensues.

You have a bunch of mid-pubescent boys and girls dancing all close to one another and liking it. The boys on the other hand haven't quite mastered themselves if you catch my drift. So, about 10 seconds into the song you take a look around the dance floor and the picture is the same everywhere you look--every boy is trying to stay as close as they can without "it" touching the girl. Not only does every boy not want that, but they are trying desperately not to look like they are uncomfortably dancing--with there chests as close their dance partners' as possible, and there lower half tilted away ever so slightly. It's like that all across the room. Trying to be smooth, all the while mortified and sure that everyone can see a their uninvited pocket gnome. I've been there and done that, and in fact was called out mid dance by one of my friends. What could I say, I was dancing with an above average girl who I had a major crush on.

Being a youth was just awesome. Anyway, the end of those dances must have just been hell for both parties. The boys were "blue" and the girls had to go and change because of the excitement pee.

New Post, new life

2007-10-09T23:07:00.000-07:00

Well, what the heck. I haven't done much "blogging" since I started this thingy, but hey, there is always a time to change. Isn't there some song or verse from scripture about this? You know, a time to dance, a time to sing, a time to cry, a time to laugh, a time to waste away time doing a blogspot. I'm pretty sure that was word for word, but don't quote me.

At any rate, life is grand right now. I'm working, I am still happily married, I've two kids, and brace yourselves, I'm....oh wait, I already said that I was working. Well that was all very anti-climactic now wasn't it?

On a more serious note, general conference was this past weekend and although I did not catch all of the talks I should have, I caught some good ones. One in particular that is staying with me is the one by Dallin Oaks about what we fill our days with. He said, "there are good things, and then there are better things, and then there are the best things." He talked about the fact that we can get SO caught up in "good" things, that we often times become overwhelmed by them and never feel like we are getting ahead or accomplishing what we originally set out to do. This can be remedied by changing "good" for "better" or "best". I have tried to implement that since then and I have been very impressed at how much more productive I have felt. I realized that all he said was true. Here is a link to his talk http://broadcast.lds.org/genconf/2007/10/50/GC_2007_10_58_OaksDH__02381_eng_.mp3

I hope that link works. Everyone should listen to this. It was great. Anyway, I think I'll take the time a little more to write down some of the events of the day so that I will at least have something written down for my posterity. Maybe one day I will print these out and put them into a book or something.

Later.

Finals and tests and stress--oh my!

2006-11-30T16:13:00.000-07:00

Finals week is coming up and I'm stressed. The problem is, I don't just have normal finals, I have papers galore to write. Problem number two is I haven't started them yet. Oops. My brain seems to function better under stress apparently. I'm trying to write about this, but I have my Bro-in-law blabbering in my ear so I'm having a hard time concentrating. I'll have to come back and write something later--maybe AFTER finals.

Fantasy Football

2006-10-02T22:37:00.000-07:00

Is there anything more manly than football? I mean really? As one who has played, I can't tell you what it feels like to ram, helmet to helmet into an oncoming running back. Or to chase down a QB. It's a rush of testosterone for sure. So much so, that grown men (most of whom probably did not play) will dress themselves in full football gear just to go to a game and cheer on their team. That will have to be addressed on another day.

About the time I was in 7th grade, somewhere around 1989-90, I remember hearing something pretty strange on the announcements one morning: "for all of you who are interested in the fantasy football club, please meet in room...." Fantasy football club!? What is that? Once I found out, I couldn't help but chuckle and laugh at all of the nerds who would waste their time sitting around with a piece of paper that had their "team" on it and the statistics from the previous days games, compiling scores, and saying to each other, "Booya! I totally wasted you!". What a bunch of morons. "I will NEVER do that". Let's fastforward to now. Fantasy football is now the driving force behind the NFL. It is the heart that pumps interest in the league through many a persons brain. Every stat is so scrupulously followed it's seems ridiculous. There are shows specifically dedicated to fantasy football. Not only football either--but basketball, baseball, and even hockey.

I have always enjoyed the NFL, but since I officially joined clan nerd, I follow EVERY game. Why? Because my "team" is represented by a conglomeration of players from several different teams, and heaven knows, I have to root each player on to high points. I couldn't give two craps if their real team wins , so long as player 'a' scores a TD and has lots and lots of yards--GO TEAM! Even the coolest of the cool are now fantasy football members. It's gotten so bad now, that millions of people even PAY to play it. They can even pretend to be club presidents and managers. My mind is swimming. If only I had seen through the mist of dork in 7th grade, and had some sense of vision beyond my hormones, I would have been one of the pioneers, and would have been drowning in the loot, and would have most likely had my own show on ESPN. But alas, I am one of the herd, trudging along whilst chewing my cud of mediocrity; all the while wishing I would have put my arm around one of those goobers and said, "let's run with this thing baby. I see a bright future here."

Great Blog/Language Evolution

2006-08-25T15:29:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to recommend a wonderful blog. www.drexdavis.com. He hasn't updated it in a long time, but still the same, it is pretty good. He has some pretty dang funny things on their. One of my favorite postings was "Einstein does not work at Einstein's Bagels". Check it out.

I'm still holding onto the American Phraseology topic. I have a lot of questions about the evolution of our language. Many like to hold to the ideal that we evolved from apes--going from lesser to greater. Well, if we hold to the evolution theme, and apply it to our language, I'm thinking that we might be able to see a startling foretelling for us humans. I say this because it seems to me that our language--again, hugging tight to the evolution life boat--is ever evolving. It went from nothing, to grunts, to basic words and phrases, to complex speech. However, if you take a deeper look, it appears that our language evolution is an evolutionary parabola. It seems to me that anymore, we are leaving the complexities of language and engaging in greater amounts of grunts and what have you. Which is fine with me, so long as the person taking my food order understands what I'm getting at with my uuuuh, acth, eeee, eacth. My point is, that if our language is de-evolving, or heading back the other way, perhaps that is a sign that we might be headed on the same course. The "Planet of the Apes" may be closer than we think.

School

2006-08-22T13:29:00.000-07:00

So, I started school again. Or rather, the next semester of school has begun for me. I think it is going to suck. I can't be 100% sure about that, but I'm thinking it will. I go to ASU and let me tell you, Fall semester sucks worse than the other semesters because there are probably 700,000 freshmen running around this campus with stupid grins on their faces, "Woo hoo, I'm in college now!" And truthfully, there isn't anything wrong with being excited to be back at school--learning is a good thing. But, the part that gets me are the bajillion sigma nu's, delta phi's, kapa kappa beta phi alpha's. Nothing but a bunch of seemingly shallow tarts wandering around in their sorority tank tops advertising their sorority for new suckers to join.

I've never been in an "organized" fraternity, but I don't think I would ever want to be in one anyway. Don't you have to pay lots of denero for that stuff. And for what? So you can pay to wear a symbol while you party and get drunk. Can't you do that for free and just live somewhere else? I know, I know, it's the experience of it all. Well, poop on that experience, you can keep it! Especially if that experience requires the use of said poop to finally get in. Yikes.

Enough of that tangent--speaking of math, I have a biomechanics course I'm not really looking forward to. Oh well, how does that saying go....I've made my bed, so now I have to sleep in it? Or, I've slept in your bed so now I have to make it soon? I never know.

Got to get to class now. But that last comment will lead nicely into my next segment--American phraseology. Where do some of these sayings come from? Scene.