Hmm...That was different

I have been training on a treadmill for the running portion of the triathlon. Now, I'm not so naive that I thought there wouldn't be that much of a difference between the treadmill and the real road. But, the last two days have been a real eye opener. In fact, they have caused me a great deal of discouragement. After my "run" this morning, I came home defeated, downtrodden, and all around upset. I felt like I wanted to call it off and skip the race. I couldn't go a 1/2 mile without stopping and felt like my legs wanted to give out. It was a bad feeling. Then, as the day wore on, I decided that I didn't care how I did at the triathlon--that the most important thing for me at this point is to simply finish the race. My time doesn't matter to me. That thought made me feel better. I'm more determined to simply "get better". So, with that said, I have the "Eye of the tiger" all anew. My eating the last two days--for the first time since I started--was OUTSTANDING! I think that has been more encouraging than anything. I'm ready to take it head on.

Over the last couple days, I have realized something. I have learned another life lesson about myself. Each of us are sent to this earth to learn anything and everything we can about the world around us, God, and ourselves. We are given the right to choose. To make choices that will make us and God ultimately happy, or to make choices that might give us temporary happiness but in the long run will make us and God miserable. Each of us has been given some type of trial we, and only we will have to face, fight, and eventually either succumb to or overcome. I will not speak for anyone but me in this. But I have been given my own personal challenges to fight. But the lesson I learned this week, is where all of my personal trials stem from. Whether it be a trial of faith, or a trial of eating, or a trial of organization, or any other daemon I have been faced with. This week I found the source. I have talked about it forever, but my heart finally realized the battle that will be mine to overcome in this life. And it's not eating, organization, addictions (sorry Costa Vida), or anything that we see in the world. Any of those personal struggles are only manifestations of my trial of the flesh that God has given me to fight. I learned that my trial is pride. I felt it so clearly and powerfully that I now know what God wants me to focus all of my energy on fighting. I am not a bad person by nature. I don't judge people (most of the time, wink wink). But for years, I have rationalized my prideful nature by comparing my strong points in pride to other's weaknesses. "I'm not so focused on possessions like 'Bill'" or "I don't rip on 'Joe' for being Peter Priesthood" or whatever. Instead though, I would ignore peoples needs, "I just don't have time" or whatever my rationalizations might be. It was so clear to me that these selfish feelings are what lead me to have any number of other trial manifestations. I know this is total rambling, but I think this is true of everyone.

In the human society, a lot of what we see people do isn't really a representation of their real problem. Someone who is addicted to drugs or eating for example, really has another underlying problem that they haven't put their fingers on yet. Maybe they feel like their personal needs aren't being met so their true problem is feelings of self-worth, so they manifest their hurt by eating or drinking or whatever. Maybe someone feels like they will never be successful so they steal. Is stealing their problem? Nope. It certainly is a problem. But poeple will stop that problem when they find that inner need that isn't being met or addressed. Whatever it is, usually the problem we see, is not the real problem. That was the long way of me saying that this week, I finally pinpointed my real problem. A problem that I see in myself much more than anyone else might. So, when I feel like quitting, or I feel like giving up on my workouts, or I feel like eating that cookie, I now can step back and say, "Don't let your pride get in the way of your success." Every reason I have to sabotage my success is completely selfish. I'm only thinking about how to avoid being uncomfortable--who cares how this might affect anyone else. Well, those days are over. Will I be perfect--not a chance. But now I know what I'm fighting. SO SORRY I went off on that thought. But hey, it's my blog. :)

I know I can win in my struggles. I might get discouraged at my progress, but I am on my way to being fit and to being the kind of person I know that God can be happy with.