Good Intentions, poor follow through

Everyone has good intentions I think. Well, for the most part. Some intend on smiling more, others intend of waking earlier. There are some who intend on being healthier and even more who intend on being healthier on Monday. Now that I've flogged any interested with a paragraph of malarkey, let me share MY good intentions.

Outside of the fact that I intend to be healthy, smile more, eat better, love more, etc., I am intending on writing about people. People who in one way or another, have influenced me and my life. Be it small or major. In so doing, I hope to share with all of my reader (yes, I left the s off intentionally), how you never know what kind of effect you might have on those around you. There are some days my heart is so full of thanks for people, and there are others, that I fight against my inborn pride and selfishness--trying to remind myself that the world is made up of more than just me.

Part of my motivation stems from a video clip my sister posted on Facebook about a man in India who gave up everything to help those with nothing. It moved me. From thence, I have made "intentions" to follow this question: Have I done any good in the world today? For some, that question will ring because is comes from a song.

"Have I done any good in the world today? Have I helped anyone in need? Have I cheered up the sad? Or made someone feel glad? If not, I have failed indeed."

"Has anyones burden been lighter today, because I was willing to share? Have the sick and the weary been helped on their way? When they needed my help was I there?"

These poignant words echo emotions in my mind in such a way that EVERY time I hear them or read them, I want to stand and do something. But EVERY time I want to do that, my own natural desires to sit and do nothing get in the way. I'm left to think about the chorus of that song: Then wake up! And do something more than dream of your mansion above. Doing good is a pleasure! A joy beyond measure. A blessing of duty and love.

Over the last little while I've forgotten that a little too often. I'm married to an amazing woman. A motivated, very beautiful woman. I often recognize that I got the better end of this deal. I routinely make silly mistakes, big mistakes, dumb mistakes, and foolish mistakes. I'm not very good at expressing my thoughts and emotions in explanation of said mistakes. But through it all, she has continued to love me and for that I'm grateful and indebted. Now what does this have to do with anything I've written above?? A lot. I simply wanted to say that she is a giver. She is a lover. She doesn't waste time dreaming of her mansion above. Yes life gets overwhelming and frustrating for her, just like everyone else. But she is a shining example for me. I have many, but Lana is my love.

So, in the coming while, I hope to share with you those people who have influenced my life. Some entries might be shorter or longer than others. If someone isn't mentioned--nor harm intended. If someone obscure IS, lucky them. hahahah. With that, I'll bid all a fond farewell. Until we read again.

Porter.

My New Book

I wanted to post the first chapter of my new book. I'm going to refrain from any details at this point, and if you know about it, please also refrain. But I'm trying to gauge some interest in this short, simple chapter. If you like it, will you please let me know. If you hate it...be gentle. :) Thanks!

It’s the little things in life that get you. The accidental slip into a puddle—new shoes ruined. The unintended hurtful word that you let fester until you are certain that the person who said it ought to be punched in the mouth. The missed taxi, the late friend, the longer than expected work day. We’ve all had these little things bother us—get us down. I’m no different. I find a rock on the side of the street and throw it at a nearby garbage can. The sound echoes my frustration though the alleyway.

My name is Bert. I’m 16 years old. I should be in school. I should be with friends—with her. But life is different for each of us. Instead of doing what I ought to be doing, I’m sitting on the curb outside my house dreading going in.

I finished work 20 minutes ago. I’m filthy. My hair is covered in ash and soot; as are my clothes and any exposed skin. I am a chimney sweep by trade. It pays ok enough—enough to provide food for my mother and me. I sit and stare off into the distance, thinking about my father—wondering how things would be different if he were alive.

I remember what life was like. Cleaner house, more money, more food. I’m running home from school to play with my father. He’s a large man with huge hands—hands that could seemingly crush you, yet they are more often used to hold you and comfort you.

I burst through the door and yell, “Father! I’m home!” There is no response. “Mother? I’m home.” Again nothing. I go from room to room. I hear something in my parent’s bedroom. My mother is crying. The scene is unreal. I’m only 14 at the time and I can’t comprehend what I’m seeing. My father is face down on the floor, blood pooled by his body. My mother is kneeling next to him, uncontrollable. It’s only then that I notice the house—really notice it. Items are broken and strewn everywhere. I feel my heart hitting my chest. I’m going to be sick. I’m in shock and I scream, “BLOODY HELL! What HAPPENED! Mum! WHAT HAPPENED?!”

She doesn’t answer me. Instead she holds my father. Then I notice the broken window. “Did someone break into the house? What happened?!” I’m kneeling next to her, shaking her, avoiding the thought of my father. I need to know what happened.

“He’s dead.” She whispers. “Shot. An intruder. Looking for something…”

I’m brought back from my thoughts by a passerby. I decide to go inside. I face the door, and realize I’m facing another evening of hell. My mother is sick. She has never recovered from my father’s death. It haunts her and as a consequence, she has failing health. She’s nearly bed ridden, and thusly, I have to provide—in every way. But I’m 16. I feel so alone, yet I have to be strong. I can’t let my mother ruin the rest of my life. I loved my father and I miss him, but I have my life to worry about now—and my mother has hers, and ought to shake free.

I open the door. The smell sickens me. My mother is bad today. The foul odor tells me she’s had an accident.

Opting to by myself a minute or two longer, I move quietly to the washroom to clean up a bit. In front of the mirror I look at myself, pausing to search for signs of happiness. The signs are there. My life isn’t a total waste I think. “You’ll be something great!” I say to myself.

There, from those deep blue eyes staring back at me I see it—the flame that drives me. Drives me to rise past my lot. To find those responsible for my father’s death and bring justice. To be with her.

“Bert? Is that you?” My mother’s voice is raspy and weak.

“Yes mum. I’ll be right in.” I try to place a tone of compassion in my voice when I speak to her, but admittedly I’m getting frustrated and it clearly seeps through.

I gather up the needed clothes and rags to clean up her mess and her room. After the cleaning, I sit hunched in a nearby chair. My mother has drifted off to sleep again and I can hear her soft breathing—so calm and relaxed. I watch her chest rise and fall with each breath. The anger and frustrations of the day give way to my own fatigue and hunger. I take one last look at my mother and realize that I love her so dearly. I hate my lot right now, but she is my mum, and I know eventually she will snap to and things will eventually have some tone of normalcy again.

I leave her bedroom and make my way to the washroom to get cleaned up before putting together some dinner. The soap is already covered in days worth of soot and filth, but rinses clean as I hold it firmly under the faucet. I twist it round and round in my hands, careful not to drop it. “It’s like a game!” My father would say to me. “Careful now, it gets a bit slickery.” Slickery. He always made up words just to make me smile.

The soap slips from my hands and rattles around on the bottom of the basin. I lost the game. I chuckle to myself at the thought. Splashing water on my face makes me feel renewed and ready to leave behind the day’s weight. I dry my hands and face and make my way to the kitchen. I’m not really sure what I am going to make. I spy a relatively fresh loaf of bread—at least I don’t notice too much mold on it. I tear the moldy pieces off and then piece out the loaf into two dishes and pour some milk over the bread.

I eat this meal most every day it seems, but I still enjoy it and it’s filling. I devour my portion and then walk the other into my mother’s room. “Mum, I’ve some supper for you.” She moans a little and turns to face me. Her eyes find mine and she smiles. My heart warms and for a moment I see her again—beautiful and full of life. But the moment passes and I can only see how skeletal she looks. Her eyes are sunken and creased from months of inner turmoil.

“Bert, thank you so much dear.” She struggles to sit up so I set the bowl down and take her by the hands. She takes the food as I hand it to her and pretends to enjoy a couple bites. But I’m smarter than she knows. I know she can barely keep the food down, but she tries for me.

I note something different in the way she is eating tonight. Every move is deliberate, determined. She pauses and clinches her jaw in what I can only assume is anger. She sets the food in her lap and weakly lifts her head to face me and then I see it. Her eyes are aflame.

“Mum what is it?” I say.

“Bert, it is all I can do to sit up in this bed. It is all I can do to eat this food. If I had to wager, I would say I didn’t have long left to live. But I don’t wager Bert! And I want to live! And I will live!” Her breathing was heavy and very labored.

“What are you saying Mum?”

“That I’m sorry Bert. I’m so very sorry! You have borne too much burden. It has not been fair to you son.”

I certainly agree with her words, but I find myself sitting by her side, holding her and telling her it is alright. Of course I’m lying. But I can’t believe what I’m seeing and hearing.

“I’m weak son. But starting this night, I am resolute to be whole again—and shortly!” At that she falls back on the pillows, her breaths shallow and wheezing.

“Eat your food mum.”

For the first time in two years I find myself smiling at home. I have reason to hope—until I notice that my mother has stopped breathing.

Once, Twice, Three times a tubby

My brother Eric has a blog that chronicles his fitness journey. It's a great read, and is generally inspirational as well. For those interested here is the link. He and I seem to share many things, one of which is our propensity to get off and on the proverbial wagon.

Nearly a year ago now, I started at what was called Competitive Fitness. I quickly dropped nearly 30 pounds, but then flatlined. Never gaining, but never losing. I puzzled at this, all the while knowing why I wasn't losing--I kept falling off the good eating wagon. RATS!

I've posted before about attitude, about giving service, about many other things that I used for self motivation. But Eric nailed it today--it's about persevering. Never quitting despite the countless road blocks and ups and downs that we will face. Just don't quit. Fall off? Get back on. Trip and skin your knee? Just get back up. Gain 15 pounds? Re-evaluate and move forward. NEVER look back, ALWAYS look forward. If we can learn anything from the bible, let it be from the story of Lot's wife--She just couldn't let go of all the "stuff" she felt like she was leaving behind (most of which was detrimental to her well being). So, in turning back, she lost her life. I hope WE can be smarter and learn from her mistake. Let's leave all of the failure, hurt, negativity, and disappointment behind us. Never look back or else you might reopen those things that will ultimately be your downfall.

I've looked back once, twice, and three times......and I'm still tubby. :) So it's time to put the blinders on and finish my race. Come along for the ride....should be fun!

Is it possible?

Is it possible to love somebody that you don't really know? When I say 'really', I'm talking in terms of depth, in detail. Is it possible to love someone that you know in some ways, but not in others--someone you have shared tough experiences with, but whose favorite food, or color, or music you wouldn't have the slightest information on? To all of these questions I would say yes.

I have a friend (a few actually) who has changed my life. You've seen my past posts, and my most recent "transformation" post. I still have a ways to go to get to my goal, but in the process of achieving this goal, I came across some people that helped me see my life, and the way I view it, a little bit differently. Jason , Sally , Nick , and Ben are the trainers at Competitive Fitness--the place that I have been going to change. They are however, much more than trainers to me. I love them all dearly. I want to tell you though about Jason, and what his dreams, have done for mine.

Today was a day that if it were possible, some of us would like to give back--turn back the clock if you will. Today, Competitive Fitness closed her doors. But, even though the gym is closed, my heart will forever remain open and touched because Jason had the gumption to dream. He dreamed of more than himself. Having 9 fitness certifications was all well and good to him, but it did no good unless he could reach the masses. He managed a 24hr fitness, and even trained that good ol' Alli Vincent on her way to biggest loser victory. But he knew something wasn't right. Most people going in and out of 24hr were missing out. He wanted to be able to help more people. It's ALWAYS about others for him. A true example of Christ, and ironically, he's just getting closer to the Savior in more recent days. Anyway, to keep a long story long, he took everything he had, found a shyster of a partner, and started Competitive Fitness.

CF was to be a place of love, a place where people could work their butts off, and yell and scream for one another. A place where strangers two minutes earlier could put arms around shoulders and share a laugh at how they nearly passed out from a workout. It was to be a FAMILY. Well, I'm here to tell you that Jason's dream was accomplished. It was a family.

Time passed, and as it goes with many new businesses, he ran into some big hurdles. The partnership was dissolved, but the damage was done, and here we are today. If I could say one thing to anyone reading this (Jason included)--Jason, did not fail in this business venture. If anything, he succeeded beyond his wildest dreams. That's easy to say when I'm not the one stressed about the other parts of life that require money, I know. But beyond money (which never has been the driving force for Jason), LIVES have been changed--including mine. The Savior said: "...How great shall be your joy in the kingdom of my Father if ye shall bring save it be one soul unto me. But, how much greater shall your joy be, if ye shall bring MANY souls..." Jason saved many.

You might read this and say, "how does working out save a soul?" That is a valid question. But I'm here to tell you that the longer one travels down the lonely path of laziness and gluttony, the lonelier one becomes. With loneliness comes discouragement, and with discouragement comes apathy, and with apathy comes a hardened heart--the Lord, cannot dwell in a hard heart. Conversely, with exercise comes hope (and lots of physical pain sometimes), with hope comes faith/belief, with faith comes knowledge of the truth--the Lord IS truth.

Anyway, I'm totally rambling. But my point in the WHOLE post is to tell you that although I don't know Jason intimately, I love him. He's a brother to me. I owe him part of my life, because he so willingly shared part of his. He risked all he owned to help people like me. In turn, he is losing most of what he owns.....to help people like me. People who do that make me strive to be better in all aspects of life. My father did that--he is my hero. Jason....in many ways, so are you. Mind you all, this is not a funeral here. Jason is still alive and kicking--I just saw him this evening. But it's important to know and be reminded, that it's people like Jason that make this country run. People who risk it all to live the dream. Well, Jason, your dream didn't pan out the way you envisioned it. But friend, it's not gone. It's not over. Your dream, fueled many others--many of which, you may never see the full fruition of. You dream inspired others to dream. Your dream brought hope to hundreds, and the chain reaction of that you may never know. As a tie in to that thought--my grandparents (dad's parents) joined the LDS church when my dad was 3. That missionary who baptized my grandparents had no idea what kind of a chain reaction was started and how many more THOUSANDS of people have come unto Christ because of that single act. Upwards of 30-40 missionaries from my gpa's posterity alone have gone out to the world and baptized. And the chain goes on. Jason, your dream is the same. You have inspired, and people who move on, share your dream with others, and inspire them, and the gift goes on, and on, and on.

I posted something before about attitude. In it, I quoted Jim Valvano. It stands today as one of my favorite quotes to keep me going. So to all, I'll repeat it tonight. "Don't give up. Don't EVER give up."

Jason, I love you. Sally, Nick, Ben...the same feelings apply.

So, can you love someone without knowing everything about them? I mean really love them? The answer depends on you as a person. But as for me, I can. And I do.

Ch-ch-ch-changes....

Other than having a better camera....can you see any changes in me since exactly one year ago? It's the same way that I looked when I started working out at Competitive Fitness in February of this year.

Fat? Hmm, I think so.

  Well, sometimes we all need a little edumacation on some basic principles.  Sure, all of us know that eating too much of just about anything isn't good.  And we all especially know that eating too much junk is even worse.  

So, why this educational video?  Because even smarty pants' need reminders why it is important to eat right and exercise.  

This applies especially to me since I have gained 4 pounds since Crew was born.  I had lost approximately 25 pounds.  Then, I began to see myself making tiny rationalizations for my behaviors.  Similar to what I had done in the past when I had worked to lose weight.  It is one thing to allow yourself to have a cookie or an ice cream every ONCE IN A WHILE--and not beat yourself up about it.  It is, however, an entirely different story when you begin to use the fact that you have lost "x" amount of weight to justify your junk eating choices..."I have lost 25 pounds.  I'm ok.  I'll just have "this" and be right back at it.  

BE CAREFUL with that type of logic.  It will quickly lead you back to the weight you were running from.  So, allow yourself a treat once in a while, but remember the end goal...a longer, healthier, happier life.  That is where I have found myself these past 10 days.  I have since recognized it, have hit the workouts hard again, and have focussed my eyes on my prize.  I hope the rest of you all do the same.  

Keep pushing ALL!  Find a new goal, a new race, a new reason to remind yourself that every day is a great day to get the heart pumping.  It's WAY more worth it than being sloppy and frustrated that our food addictions are controlling us.  Yay friends.                    

You may need to pause my awesome music before watching the show.  :) 

15 down

It's been a while so I wanted to post a quick update.

I'm 15 pounds down.  Only 30 to go. :)  I actually want to lose around 10-15 this month.  We'll see if I can do it.  At any rate, here are some personal things that I've been able to do since I started at Competitive Fitness.  

I can now do 10 unassisted pull-ups (maybe more, I'm not sure).  

I can do 100 push-ups coupled with over 100 squats in 8 minutes.

I can row 5000 meters in 21 minutes.  (harder than it seems)

Anyway, there are a few other things that I couldn't come close to doing only a short month and a half ago.  

For anyone struggling.  For anyone tired and wondering if they will ever be able to come off conquerer.  Just know that there are others out there with you.  

So, in The words of Jimmy Valvano--"Don't give up.  Don't ever give up."

Valvano, who was dying of cancer also said this (and you can liken it to whatever you are fighting)--"Cancer can take all of my physical abilites, but it cannot touch my mind, it cannot touch my heart, and it cannot touch my soul" 

One thing we all can be sure of is that whatever we are fighting, Cannot touch our minds, Cannot touch our hearts, and cannot touch our souls.  

Let's keep fighting.   

For anyone interested, here is a link to Jimmy V's speech.  It's about 10 minutes, and very, very good.   

The CURE!!

I've found the cure for heartburn.  Yes, I'm due to make millions.  

Because the cure is a short answer, I'm really going to try and stretch this out here.  

Wait for it....

Wait for it...........

Hard core..................EXERCISE!!!  Yes, I know, I'll keep you all in mind when I'm cashing my big checks.  But I have to say, that since I have started this current regimen of work outs, I have not had ONE bout with heartburn.  

My heartburn is no where near the level of some of my family members, but I've had my fair share of uncomfortable nights.  It feels so good to not have that in my life anymore.  

Just thought I would share with you.  

Oh, I've also lost 12 pounds in my first near month of this place I go to.  LOVE IT.  

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

"The only disability in life is a bad attitude.”

~Scott Hamilton

“Bite off more than you can chew, then chew it.”
~Ella Williams

Often your tasks will be many,

And more than you think you can do.

Often the road will be rugged

And the hills insurmountable, too.

But always remember,

The hills ahead

Are never as steep as they seem,

And with Faith in your heart

Start upward

And climb ’til you reach your dream.

For nothing in life that is worthy

Is ever too hard to achieve

If you have the courage to try it,

And you have the faith to believe.

For faith is a force that is greater

Than knowledge or power or skill,

And many defeats turn to triumph

If you trust in God’s wisdom and will.

For faith is a mover of mountains,

There’s nothing that God cannot do,

So, start out today with faith in your heart,

And climb ’til your dream comes true!

--Author Unknown

Today, I got beat up by my workout--and I only was told to do HALF of what was called for.  Here is what was called for:  "Do this as fast as you can--1 mile run, 100 pull-ups, 200 push ups, 300 squats (body weight), 1 mile run."

I did half of each of those.  On my final half mile run, my legs were jellied, my lungs were on fire, my arms/shoulders/etc. were hard to keep up, and my heart was pounding out of my chest.  I walked 1/4 of that 1/2 mile.  But as I approached the turn around spot to head back to the gym, I thought, "I could just cut this a few yards short.  It wouldn't be a big deal..."  Then I thought about something I read that Will Smith said about when he goes for a run, "when I go out/say I'm going to run 5 miles, I run 5 miles.  Because if I listen to that voice in my head, I'll never finish it EVER..."  So I thought to myself..." shut up voice in my head."  Then I thought about what Seone from the biggest loser said durning a recent challenge when asked if everybody would be willing to stop the challenge where they were instead of finishing.  He said, "you all do what you want, but I would feel like I would be cheating myself.  I have been cutting short my whole life, that's why I'm here, that's why I'm fat.  So, I'm going to finish..." 

So I finished.  I went all the way to every line.  I did every thing that was asked of me.  I had to change my attitude.  We might not be in control of everything in life, but we most certainly control that.  Choose to be grumpy and miserable, and that is what your life will be like.  Choose to be happy in those exact circumstances, and you life will not remotely resemble that former life of misery--even amidst the same situations.  

Push through defeat.  

Push through change.

Push through self-pity and doubt.

It's rewarding, and besides, that is the only way to win the race.  

Have I?

A poor, wayfaring Man of grief
Hath often crossed me on my way,
Who sued so humbly for relief
That I could never answer nay.
I had not pow’r to ask his name,
Whereto he went, or whence he came;
Yet there was something in his eye
That won my love; I knew not why.

Stript, wounded, beaten nigh to death,
I found him by the highway side.
I roused his pulse, brought back his breath,
Revived his spirit, and supplied
Wine, oil, refreshment—he was healed.
I had myself a wound concealed,
But from that hour forgot the smart,
And peace bound up my broken heart.

In pris’n I saw him next, condemned
To meet a traitor’s doom at morn.
The tide of lying tongues I stemmed,
And honored him ’mid shame and scorn.
My friendship’s utmost zeal to try,
He asked if I for him would die.
The flesh was weak; my blood ran chill,
But my free spirit cried, “I will!”

Then in a moment to my view
The stranger started from disguise.
The tokens in his hands I knew;
The Savior stood before mine eyes.
He spake, and my poor name he named,
“Of me thou hast not been ashamed.
These deeds shall thy memorial be;
Fear not, thou didst them unto me.”

This morning, I was singing this song in the shower, and found that I couldn't sing it anymore.  My heart was full.  I thought, over and over about my life, and where I am, and what I'm doing.  I couldn't help but think that I too have "myself, a wound concealed."  I attempted to stem my emotions by singing another hymn.

"Have I done any good in the world today?

Have I helped anyone in need?

Have I cheered up the sad, or made someone feel glad?

If not, I have failed indeed."

Singing this song did not have the desired effect.  I continued to think, "Have I?"  I thought of the second verse to that song:  

There are chances for work all around just now;

Opportunities right in our way.

Do not let them pass by, saying 'sometime, I'll try',

But GO and do something today.

So, for what it is worth, I am going to try and do something good today--to "stand up, and do something more than dream of my mansion above."  I want to share with all my testimony of Jesus Christ.  He is that poor wayfaring man of grief.  And if he asked "if I for Him would die", my answer would be yes a thousand times over.  I can't wait for the day that I can look upon him and see the tokens in His hands and feet.  To kiss Him and bathe His feet with my tears of love and gratitude and with hope that I hear Him say, "of me thou hast not been ashamed".

"I have myself a wound concealed", but I know that he can bind up my broken heart.  I may stumble through the rest of my existence struggling with my "wounds", but I want anyone who is listening now to know that my testimony of the Savior is real.  I hope that one day, my words can mean the same as Pres. Hinckley's did when he said, "I love him.  He is my friend.  He is my redeemer."  I too love Him, and He IS my friend.  My entire body is filled with the Spirit's confirmation that Jesus lives.  That He died for me willingly.  He is the way, the truth, and the life.  He is Jesus Christ, and He did it all for me--despite my imperfections, my sins, my stumbling blocks, etc.  He loves me.  I Love Him.  

Have I done any good in the world today?  I hope so.     

Success!

Today we did a lot of dumbbell clean and jerks.  I'll refrain from explaining what those are to any of you who might not know (I suggest going to youtube or google and looking up clean and jerk, then imagine that with dumbbells).  Anyway, we were going for a 3 rep max.  When the dust settled and the smoke cleared, I had the highest weight lifted.  Jason (the trainer) suspects it might last the whole day.  He said, "I have some really strong, muscly guys, but you have better form than they do, so I suspect you will be able to hold out."  

Needless to say, I was pumped.  Especially since I have been in the middle to bottom in workout placements thus far.  I'm definitely seeing improvements already and I'm only in my second week.  I'm loving this.  As for what weight I hefted....85lb dumbbells. The highest before that was 65lbs.  One guy did 75lbs. right after me.  So, there you go.  That's 170lbs. in total dumbell weight...let you think otherwise. :)  Mind over matter guys.  Also, chiropractor over sore necks and hip flexors.  Man, did I tweak my neck on my last rep!  

I cannot go to school today said little....

Here is a link to a video that I think says it all.  I want to publish the actual video on this post, but I don't know how to put an actual youtube video on here.  Anyway, just click on the link and enjoy.    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obdd31Q9PqA

For the last few years, I've made countless excuses for my failures--Tatum was just born and she's waking up in the night and I'm SO tired I can't keep it up...Dane was just born....My knees hurt...I'm having some allergy/asthma issues...and the list goes on.  Some of these are viable excuses, but that is all they are; excuses.  

On the biggest loser, one of the contestants who had to spend time at home for a little bit before coming back said something to the effect, "when I got home, I was exhausted every day.  I was helping with the kids, around the house, and working.  I didn't think I had time to work out, nor the energy.  But somehow, I found enough time to watch 2-3 hours of t.v. a day.  So, I stopped the t.v. if it was getting in the way of my health."  Again, not his exact words, but the gist is the same.  

I have been going to a place called competitive fitness for the last 2 weeks and have come to realize what I have been missing out on.  My body is more sore than it has been in years, and I've been getting up at 5:30 to go.  The crazy thing, after the first few days, I now wake up at 3am then 5am anticipating my alarm.  My point is, this whole getting fit, eating right, etc. is MENTAL!!!  Nearly every physical challenge we face can be made better, easier, or fixed, if we strengthen our minds.  I'm doing that.  I've just started.  I mentioned in an earlier post that I might fall off the back of the wagon, but I will not let go of the rope this time around.  I will keep pulling myself back on.  So, I'm still riding the wagon and feeling great.  

Let's get physical....ly fit.

Today, I had my first training session with my new trainer at competitive fitness. This is the same trainer that worked with Alli from the biggest loser. He's a cool dude. I'm going to go to him for 3 months and get whooped back into shape. Today, I did my "baseline" workout to see where I'm at and where we will be going from here. Well...I'm not in very good shape is the first thing I noticed. Anyway, I'm really looking forward to the changes in my body. I've already given up sugar (well about 99%). That was easier to do than I though it would be. Next, I'm going to take Dixie's challenge to not snack on anything but fruits and veggies. My goal is to drop 35lbs. in the next three months. However, I'm more concerned with inches during this stretch.

What the mirror showed me

I woke one day and had to say, "I don't like the way I look."
My clothes don't fit, frustrations drip, and when I moved my tummy shook.
My back is tight, my two knees fight to keep me moving when I walk.
I'm snoring now, my face is round, my chin has ripples when I talk!

The time has come to get things done, I face the mirror and say:
"Be gone you slob, unsightly blobs, look out! Get out of my way!"
No more will food that's not so good be thrust inside my face.
For I will push and push and push, until I win this race!!

I know this is a silly poem, and I just whipped it together, but it sort of sums up how I feel a lot of the time. When I'm wearing scrubs and stuff, I don't REALLY notice where I am. But when I get dressed each morning for work and look in the mirror, I inevitably say, "what the?? Man, I don't know how I got to this point!" Be strong all, and keep to the grind. I know I am!

Rising up

Three days in a row I have worked out and eaten well enough. I have lost 2 pounds. I've lost around 6 pounds in the last 2.5 weeks. So, I'm really geared up to drop the weight needed to do better on my next triathlon.

There's a saying that I'm sure everyone knows, and will some day become (if not soon) a cliche. But, I think it's apropos for the human situation. "It doesn't matter how many times you fall, but rather, how many times you get back up." And that is the case here with me and any and everyone else like me.

I have to say that my blog will be an up and down thing, because I like to joke around. But until I reach my goals, there will be set backs. So, I make light of them. Despite that, I do take them seriously.

The new year is tomorrow and my goals have not changed. I might like to add to them, but I believe in the domino affect--achieve one, and many more will follow because of it. So, my goal to prepare physically for my next tri will lead to my goals of better disciplined eating and more productivity. So, I'm still hear, I'm still focused, and I am looking forward to success this year.

Risin

Hey Blog, It's Me...

Hey blog, it's me Margaret...er...Porter. I know its been a while, but I just wanted to let you know that I am still here, and I have not forgotten about you. But blog, I have forgotten some things. I'm sort of ashamed to admit them to you, but I know you can help me, Blog. Blog, I've forgotten how to eat and exercise. No Blog, I'm not not eating, on the contrary; I'm eating the wrong stuff--again. That's why I'm coming to you, Blog. Can you help me? Ever since I finished that triathlon, I have given myself a pass to do whatever. I haven't worked out, and I'm eating pretty much anything. So, to show I'm ready to come back to you, I did some push-ups and sit-ups this morning. I know it's not much Blog, but it is a start. I promise I'll come back to you if you will help me. Thanks Blog. I know I can always count on you.

Marg...er...Porter.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Don't worry though, I won't be this sloppy forever. Mostly because I have these really cool, inspiring songs from you. Thanks.

P.S. Some other things I ashamedly have forgotten how to do recently: Bathe, shave, dress properly for any occasion, use ladders, eat carrots, communicate with adults, not wander around in my underwear--and the list continues.

Do you have the eye?

This is just a note before bed and a question for all of you out there. Do you have the eye of the tiger? Clubber Lang had it. Rocky got it back. Take a second to listen to that song on my page and then ask yourself, "do I have the eye of the tiger?" What the H. E. double hockey sticks is the Eye of the tiger (other than a GREAT song)? The eye of the tiger is the power to overcome ANY mental wall we might be fighting. I can tangibly feel something inside me that is different. I did something I didn't think I could. Now I know I can, so now I am going to do something else I haven't thought I could do, that is drop weight. You ALL can do whatever you want. I know that now. Get that "eye of the tiger", look your foe in the face, and claw the hell out of his/her eyes, then move on to the next obstacle and do the same. GO TEAM!!

Will Smith said, "when I hear that inner voice telling me to stop or I can't, I ignore it..." (not an exact quote) Ignore that negative voice.

Triathlon number one...done

On Thanksgiving morn, Dixie, Eric and I headed out to the Goodyear YMCA for our sprint triathlon. I woke up at 3:45 a.m., and then again at 4 because I was ready to roll. What can I say, I'm a pro. Anyway, we all left my parents house around 5:15 or so. I won't bore you with all the details. Pictured above is Eric and I before beginning the race. These shots below are me just finishing the run portion and getting ready for the bike. I had to give Lana a "money shot" of me chuggin' down the liquid refreshment...



One thing in my favor was that they shortened the run from 2 miles to 1.5 because the rain had ruined part of the "track". Eric and I started 15 min. before Dixie. He finished the run a couple minutes or so ahead of me. Then I took off on the bike. It was a three "lap" ride. Each lap was 4 miles. After the first lap, my mind started fighting me, "Just go slower. No one is expecting anything less. In fact, act like you're going to barf or something. No biggie. Take as long as you need..." It was at that point, I had a breakthrough mentally, and realized that I can do what I put my mind to. I kept saying, "Just one more, just one more, just one more." Pretty soon, there was no more to do. (Here I am doing a little backstroke to get some relief!! And the other shot is one Lana took of me from the final lane--finishing strong!)



Eric beat me, and although Dixie didn't pass me, she beat me too. But I felt great about what I had just accomplished. I realized that with better eating habits (number one), and harder, more dedicated training, I could do MUCH better. So, that's what I'm doing. I'd go so far as to say, I think I could beat Dixie. But, I won't say that until I actually feel that way. I don't feel that way now for sure. Well, except for a 100 yd dash--I can still win that one. hehehe.

A great experience! Everyone should start training to do one of these things. Lana and the kids came too. That felt extra special when I saw how proud of me she was. How rewarding.



Crossing the finish lane...and the aftermath...:) "Please don't puke, please don't puke...." However, my brother was behind me ralphing all over--his wife got a picture of that. :)



Here is Eric (talking with our dad on the cell), Dixie and me after recovering for a second. We were all feeling pretty good after it all. Well, I think Dixie never really needed much recovery, but who cares?!



Here's a picture of the family getting ready to head back home. Lana and the kids drove out with her brother Dallin to watch and take pics. Dane was pretty exhausted and slept the entire hour drive back home. I was too pumped to think about sleeping!

Hmm...That was different

I have been training on a treadmill for the running portion of the triathlon. Now, I'm not so naive that I thought there wouldn't be that much of a difference between the treadmill and the real road. But, the last two days have been a real eye opener. In fact, they have caused me a great deal of discouragement. After my "run" this morning, I came home defeated, downtrodden, and all around upset. I felt like I wanted to call it off and skip the race. I couldn't go a 1/2 mile without stopping and felt like my legs wanted to give out. It was a bad feeling. Then, as the day wore on, I decided that I didn't care how I did at the triathlon--that the most important thing for me at this point is to simply finish the race. My time doesn't matter to me. That thought made me feel better. I'm more determined to simply "get better". So, with that said, I have the "Eye of the tiger" all anew. My eating the last two days--for the first time since I started--was OUTSTANDING! I think that has been more encouraging than anything. I'm ready to take it head on.

Over the last couple days, I have realized something. I have learned another life lesson about myself. Each of us are sent to this earth to learn anything and everything we can about the world around us, God, and ourselves. We are given the right to choose. To make choices that will make us and God ultimately happy, or to make choices that might give us temporary happiness but in the long run will make us and God miserable. Each of us has been given some type of trial we, and only we will have to face, fight, and eventually either succumb to or overcome. I will not speak for anyone but me in this. But I have been given my own personal challenges to fight. But the lesson I learned this week, is where all of my personal trials stem from. Whether it be a trial of faith, or a trial of eating, or a trial of organization, or any other daemon I have been faced with. This week I found the source. I have talked about it forever, but my heart finally realized the battle that will be mine to overcome in this life. And it's not eating, organization, addictions (sorry Costa Vida), or anything that we see in the world. Any of those personal struggles are only manifestations of my trial of the flesh that God has given me to fight. I learned that my trial is pride. I felt it so clearly and powerfully that I now know what God wants me to focus all of my energy on fighting. I am not a bad person by nature. I don't judge people (most of the time, wink wink). But for years, I have rationalized my prideful nature by comparing my strong points in pride to other's weaknesses. "I'm not so focused on possessions like 'Bill'" or "I don't rip on 'Joe' for being Peter Priesthood" or whatever. Instead though, I would ignore peoples needs, "I just don't have time" or whatever my rationalizations might be. It was so clear to me that these selfish feelings are what lead me to have any number of other trial manifestations. I know this is total rambling, but I think this is true of everyone.

In the human society, a lot of what we see people do isn't really a representation of their real problem. Someone who is addicted to drugs or eating for example, really has another underlying problem that they haven't put their fingers on yet. Maybe they feel like their personal needs aren't being met so their true problem is feelings of self-worth, so they manifest their hurt by eating or drinking or whatever. Maybe someone feels like they will never be successful so they steal. Is stealing their problem? Nope. It certainly is a problem. But poeple will stop that problem when they find that inner need that isn't being met or addressed. Whatever it is, usually the problem we see, is not the real problem. That was the long way of me saying that this week, I finally pinpointed my real problem. A problem that I see in myself much more than anyone else might. So, when I feel like quitting, or I feel like giving up on my workouts, or I feel like eating that cookie, I now can step back and say, "Don't let your pride get in the way of your success." Every reason I have to sabotage my success is completely selfish. I'm only thinking about how to avoid being uncomfortable--who cares how this might affect anyone else. Well, those days are over. Will I be perfect--not a chance. But now I know what I'm fighting. SO SORRY I went off on that thought. But hey, it's my blog. :)

I know I can win in my struggles. I might get discouraged at my progress, but I am on my way to being fit and to being the kind of person I know that God can be happy with.

On your marks. Get Set...PUKE!

Yesterday, I was just coming off having some type of periodic, oral herpes. Day number four. Usually, it lasts much longer than four days, but to the delight of my gum tissue and my throat, I have come close family and friends who gave me this new fangled drug called Valtrex. I took it and voy oh lay, all better. So, it was with this increasing health that I went to pick up my daughter Tatum from my sister Dixie's house.

I'll leave out the rest of the boring details of the day and get down the the "brass tacks" of the story. Whilst chatting at Dixie's, the subject of shoe purchases when we were younger came up. She joked about (and very accurately I must add) how I used to have my mom buy me shoes based on the traction design on the bottom of the shoe. Why? Because they made me faster, that's why! So we laughed about how much faster the shoes actually didn't make me, but how I beat her most of the time. I bucked a little at that (thinking in my mind that I NEVER lost a race across my front yard to her). Anyway, we started joking about who might be able to win a race now. Long story short...we ended up at the nearest jr. high school in total non racing attire. I called my dad because I knew he didn't want to miss this. He says, "Man, I'm not sure who to put my money on." Again, the hurty stab in my heart.

Let me say this: Dixie, at this point in time in our lives, can beat me in probably every physical activity that goes longer than 25 yards. I mean beat me bad. With one exception--this 100 yd. dash. I was not about to let this happen.

So, we lined up and then....We were off! For and accurate description and pictures, go to her blog at www.thedaytondixonline.blogspot.com. But, I want to let you all know what was going through my mind.

As we took off, my first thought was, "hey, what's wrong with my legs? They aren't keeping up with my arms." Then, I noticed that I was pulling ahead. So, around the 50 yard mark I says, "Self, start high striding it and kick it into 4th gear." Self said, "No way. Self is trying to keep you upright." "OK, says I. What do I need to do?" Self says,"Tilt that big fat head of yours back. Further. Further!!" So I followed orders. Dixie wasn't gaining, but I sure as heck wasn't pulling away. My back was perfectly arched, and I felt like I was staring at the sky. But, I prevailed. Of course I did. I put my hands on my knees and smiled, "I did it. I kew I could." Then Dixie says, "Shane missed the picture. Let's do it again...well a 50 yd dash." "No way!" I said. But then I thought, "hey, I already won the bet, what's 50 more yards."

We lined up at the 50 yard line, and were off, and again, I was ahead. Less this time. Then I felt the shift. The legs clocked out early. My weight started moving forward. More forward, more forward. My back arched and arched until finally I had to shut it down. She coasted past with 15 yards to go and that was that. But, once in my car, I felt the damage. My body was P. Oed. I was shaking, and nearly lost my lunch the whole ride home, and some time after. Anyway, I sent Dixie a text you can read on her post. A learing experience for me for sure. So, I have a LOT to do before the triathlon and LITTLE time to do it. But, I'm planning on enjoying it as much as possible...not winning it. The next one I might try to beat Dixie. I'll have more prep time.

Thanks for reading this rediculously long and silly post. Bye.